ON YER BIKE

Boxy has gone off his…er…box. He’s banging on about ‘cycles’ and Aberdeen coming to the end of one, while playing some fantasy league in his head, where Neo-Gers are only one point behind Celtic. It makes Kreosote Kenny’s complicated theory about the second half of the season seem intelligible by comparison. Where the hell does he get this shite about cycles? Sometimes clubs are lucky enough to get a good set of players, who gel into an effective team, like Aberdeen and Dundee Utd back in the early 1980s. Of course, money helps and it makes things easier when a manager can identify somebody that will fit in perfectly and be able to afford to go and get him. A really good manager can work with what he’s got and just make a couple of tweaks here and there, as Brendan Rodgers has done. Boxy has still to prove himself in this regard, despite what his fevered brain is telling him about how close his team is to Celtic. In his mind he’s probably already won next season’s treble, as well as the UEFA Cup!

Speaking of fevered brains and sheer lunacy, I see a new crowd has joined the internet, taking over where the late, unlamented Regimental Blues left off. They call themselves Imperial Bears, which tells you all you need to know. As you might expect, it’s just another collection of diatribes against Catholics, the Irish and the SNP, while cheerleading for the Tories. All the old favourites are there; like ‘apartheid schooling’, U-boats refuelling on the west coast of Ireland, lights left on to guide the Luftwaffe in to bomb Belfast etc. It’s quite comical until you realise that there are morons out there that actually believe this shite, even though it’s all been disproven time and again. Might I refer you to my book, Up to Our Knees for more information on these topics. (Christ, I’m getting as bad as jj!)

And yes, you did read right; the Regimental Blues have hung up their sashes and bowlers and given up the fight. Apparently, this had nothing to do with being shamed by normal people, or the sudden realisation that their brand of bigotry doesn’t belong in this century. What has caused them to throw in the towel is the actions of other bigots. They talk of other ‘Loyalists’ not adhering to their (RB’s) way of working. Presumably, this means that they don’t like violence and intimidation. That’s like somebody lighting a blue touch-paper sticking out of his pocket and then moaning because the banger blew off his baws!

Those seeking new leadership in the ‘PUL Community’ need look no further than Tank Girl, Ruth Davidson. Rather than leading an army of mutant kangaroos into battle, however, Davidson is intent on leading a gang of mutant Huns. Her pronouncement of seeking peace in NI being an ‘insult to everyone in uniform’ is obviously calculated to appeal to the genocidal wing of The Peeppul. Essentially, what she is saying is that peace is nothing without total victory. Not only does this have a distinct whiff of the Führerbunker about it, it’s a desperate attempt to divide Scotland along sectarian lines. It also, rather inadvertently, offers justification to more extreme elements within Irish Nationalism. After all, the ‘victory is everything’ mantra works both ways.

Staying with politics and, it seems, the Scottish media found somebody to blame for the cyber attacks on the NHS. It’s those bloody Scottish Nationalists again! The Daily Record claimed that Labour warned the Scottish Government about the risks years ago, but the SNP failed to heed the warning. I went back to have another look at this article and – lo and behold! – it has disappeared. It seems the Scottish Government has been working to update computer security for years now and wrote to remind all Scottish NHS boards to be vigilant back in February. As you might expect, there’s no word of apology from the DR; merely a covering of tracks.

And, speaking of the DR, I had to laugh at the comment one of The Peeppul made on the story about Rachel Riley of Countdown. The article was about her appearing on TV barely dressed. I had a look, purely out of academic interest, and was disappointed…er…I mean that I couldn’t help but notice that she was pretty much fully clothed. The commenter was quite right to point out that it was an old story but he continued:

“I will no longer be buying your rag due to some of your employees blatant derogatory comments aimed at Rangers …….get your hiring in order, or at the least seem to notice , cheers”

Where the hell does he get that from? Has anybody ever seen any derogatory remarks made about Rangers, or Neo-Gers, in the Daily Record or by any DR employee elsewhere? As for hiring, has Jabba not got enough agents at the DR? No wonder Boxy’s gauin’ aff ays heid!

Well, we’ve come full circle back to football. Or should that be ‘cycle’?

“Awright, troops? It’s Billy ‘Burger’ King frae Harthill again. Did yez read aw that stuff in the papers aboot some guy pullin’ lighters oot ays arse and folk hivvin’ bestiality parties ‘n ‘at? That’s jist a normal Setterday night in Harthill. An’ it’s nae wunner folk turn tae bestiality when ye see some-y the burds wae’ve goat! No’ that Ah waant tae shag a dug ur anyhin’, but the face oan ma wife is enough tae pit emdy aff thur stroke. Hiv yez seen ur? Ah aye use the rear entrance so Ah don’t hiv tae look at that fizzer. Shay moans aboot it, but Ah aye tell ur: The Big Caboose must stay open!

 

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3 thoughts on “ON YER BIKE

  1. There one of them Billy Burgers in every town – me and my 16 year old boy are now so bad we’ve taken to spotting them whenever we go out and about and they all have that angry look about them! It’s like there’s a particular breed of them!- big fat beer guts with old Rangers tops that don’t cover their belly button! Poor Billy……….aye right. Get it right up ye’s
    HH

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  2. As an imperial bear let me tell youse, Pedro had tae learn aboot cycles coz that basturd Warburton left him
    with’ a load o’ fannies tae train every month. Big Billy Boy has goat it right – concentrate oan the arseholes insteed as we’ve even mair o’ thaym. Billy fur the Rectum o’ Fitbaw joab!

    Like

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