“I knew it mistake to play on grass. The colour, she no right. It red ash at Ibrox from now on!”


“Stop! I’m going to pish myself!”


“Eh? Ah thoat wae won! Ah must’ve fell asleep an’ dreamt it.”


“Well, that’s the last Ah’ll hear aboot Maribor. Did Ah ivver tell yez aboot the time Ah shagged Princess Marie-Astrid…?


“Leave it, Pedro. The fucking Hun scum aren’t worth it!”


“How minny Kaffliks wur in that fuckin’ squad, eh? Show’s ra beads!”


“Anybody want to bring up Lincoln Red Imps again? Didn’t think so!”


“Ye’ll need tae get back tae mae the morra, Keith. This is gonny take a loat-a thought!”


“Right, lads! Kin emdy think-y a wye wae kin make it look like ay resigned?”


“Well, Mr. Caixinha, what you need to do is to have a couple of days of rest and relaxation, away from all the pressure. Recharge your batteries. Why don’t I take you on a nice, wee fishing trip?”


“Awright, troops? Ah hink Cashin…Catchin…that Portuguese cunt needs tae bae sacked right noo! What the fuck wiz the board thinkin’ -y appointin’ him? What the fuck diz a Portugee know aboot Raynjurz? Ah, mean, what’s the point in bannin’ that colour-a boot if yer gonny let a bunch-a Feenyins pit thur manky feet intae the untainted wans? Wur ain players wur probably colludin’ wi’ the Luxembourg wans before kick-off. An’ mind, Luxembourg’s wanny the headquarters-y the EU, the bastards thit rubber-stamped Sellick’s state aid! Ye canny trust any-y they papish cunts; thur aye up tae sumhin’!”




  1. Ah cannae believe it! Thae Luxem-buggers were 50/1 tae beat the mighty Gers! Ah mean whit are the odds? Whit can Ah say aboot Paedo withoot gaun ower the tap? WORSE FUCKIN’ MANAGER IN THE UNIVERSE !!!!!


  2. I am the Sevco manager, my name it Pedro C
    I work at Ibrox stadium, a place of lunacy
    I just get back from Luxembourg to my new Govan home
    But there are fans who shout at me and no leave me alone.
    I thought I saw some Beely Boys a-creeping up on me
    Si si! I see some Beely Boys  – they angry as can be!

    Ah mur wan ae thae Billy Boys, they keep me in a cage
    Because Ah follow Sevco, Ah’m always in a rage
    Ah’d like to kill that fuckin’ turd, if Ah could jist get near
    But every time that Ah get close, this is aw Ah hear.
    I thought I saw some Beely Boys a-creeping up on me
    Si si! I see some Beely Boys  – they ugly as can be!

    Those Beely Boys are ‘opping mad, they say Pedro he blind
    If he no see his signings are of the deedee kind
    I ‘ave a strong suspicion that they think Pedro no good
    I am inclined to think that they would leench me if they could.
    I think I see some Beely Boys a-creeping up on me
    So I roll up the trouser leg and show Pedro’s bare knee
    Now listen all you Beely Boys, let’s be amigos si?
    I come down to the Ludge and you can sing the Sash to me.

    Suffrin’ sockatash!
    Oh, my aching sides and pish-soaked pants! Will the comedy never end?
    Pedro for Pope!!!


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