Northern Ireland is one fucked-up place. It must be the only place in the world where firemen turn up to dangerous bonfires but spray the surrounding buildings with water instead of putting the fires out. And I’m surprised the whole of NI isn’t queuing up for treatment for their lungs with the fumes of burning tyres engulfing the whole area. My favourite episode is about that boney some wee neds decided to set alight prematurely. After having nothing at all to say about the displays of sectarian, racist and xenophobic hatred, Unionist politicians are calling the ‘arson’ attack on the boney a ‘hate crime’! Unbelievable.
Then there was the hilarious video of water, presumably brought from the Boyne for the occasion, being poured along the street for ‘King Billy’ to cross on his horse. The funny thing is that you couldn’t get more unProtestant if you tried. One of the main aspects of the Reformation was doing away with all ceremonial actions. They should attach a dynamo to John Knox’s grave under that car park; he’s spinning so fast that he could power the whole of Britain.
I saw a video on Twitter of a match, sometime in the 90s, between Linfield and some other team (I forget who) at Windsor Park. The Linfield supporters attacked the fans of the other team, provoking the latter to respond in kind. The RUC then concentrated all their efforts on the away team’s supporters; effectively joining in the Linfield mob’s attack. It seems the PSNI is of the same mindset. After expressing fears over Celtic supporters attending the match in Belfast this week, they’re now claiming that they had nothing to do with Celtic’s refusal of their ticket allocation. This can only be with the intent of making Celtic look bad. It appears that, despite the Good Friday Agreement, a lot of things haven’t changed in NI. The manager at Linfield says that the Celtic supporters would have received a ‘warm welcome’. That’s what Celtic are worried about!
Meanwhile, at Neo-Gers, we all know how much they appreciate players with ‘plenty of experience’ but they can take things too far. Did you see that headline in the Daily Record? “Rangers hero Paul Gascoigne’s return to health will be complete when he’s playing in Gers shirt again”. Boxy must be getting pretty desperate.
And there’s that other story about the guy with loads of bestiality (or beastiality, as the DR puts it) porn on his computer and mobile phone. The man’s obviously one of The Peeppul, driven to this perversion through sheer desperation. I mean, have a look at these two pictures:
Now, I don’t know about you, but the longer I look at the picture on the left, the more sexually attractive I’m finding Flipper!
And McMurdo’s back! Actually, he’s been back for a wee while now, but I’ve only just discovered the fact. True to form, he has a load of shite to impart on the stripping of titles. He lies, “No attempt was made to evade tax in their (EBTs) use. In fact, the implementation of EBTs was a transparent action that displayed a clear money trail. So there was no intended laundering or evasion taking place.” What the fuck is he on about? The side letters prove conclusively that the intention was to cheat the tax man and as for a money trail, the EBTs weren’t listed individually on the accounts, merely presented as a total, so that it looked as if they were being used legitimately.
He goes on with the usual tripe about Dermot Desmond, Rietumu Banka and the old story about the Celtic Board falsifying attendance figures, while his acolytes, predictably, bring up child abuse. All this pish about EBTs being legal at the time is disingenuous. Yes, they were legal, but not in the way that Rangers used them. It’s been the law for years that company perks, like holidays, cars and shares, when used as part of a remuneration package, are counted as taxable income. EBTs are, and were, no different. The Rangers Board were well aware of this; why else would they have had secret side-letters? Merlin’s obviously still as mad as a bloody hatter!
The Daily Record’s ‘Rangers (sic) Blogger’, James Black, has even worse pish to spout. He talks of “retrospective rule-changing to punish a club many of the same fans insist died five years ago”. Retrospective? Rule-changing? The rules on improper registration of players have been there for many years, as other clubs have found to their cost. As for the club dying five years ago, perhaps if The Peeppul admitted this, then nobody would bother their arse about title-stripping. As it is, they’re laying claim to these tainted trophies, which they don’t deserve on many levels.
As for the LNS being legally binding, as many others of The Peeppul contend: pure and utter pish! The decision wasn’t made in a court of law, but by a judge doing a wee bit of moonlighting as an ‘independent’ observer. The whole thing stank at the time and it still stinks now. As for other clubs being responsible for rushing into the inquiry, that’s pish as well. It was the SPFL hierarchy that did that. And, while we’re on the subject, didn’t all The Peepul, including Sooperally, claim that the inquiry was a ‘kangaroo court’ and refuse to even recognise its findings when they came? A huge change of heart when the findings were published, eh?
Away from football, and there’s a huge furore over a Tory MP’s use of the phrase ‘n***** in the woodpile’. This isn’t the first time this has happened; a Tory peer used the expression in 2008, causing a storm. This seems to be a favourite expression among the upper classes; I remember John (Lord) Oaksey using the phrase on Channel 4 Racing and later having to apologise. It’s about time these clowns realised that there’s a simple, and foolproof, way of making sure you never slip up in public like this: DON’T USE THE FUCKING EXPRESSION AT ALL, EVER!
Finally, I’m getting there with the new book in the Neo-Gers saga, tentatively titled Damned Agnivores. I’m desperately trying to get it finished before the season proper begins. Here’s hoping!
“Awright, troops? It’s true what’s bein’ said aboot thum tryin’ tae strip oor titles; it’s jist fuckin’ jealousy, man! EBTs wur fuckin’ legal an’ aw they fuckin’ trophies wur won fairly an’ fuckin’ sqarely oan the pitch. Ah mean, ye cannae fuckin’ argue wi’ a law lord, kin ye? What’s the fuckin’ guy’s name again…fuckin’…Derek Nimmo; he said thur wis nae fuckin’ sportin’ advantage ‘n ‘at. An’ noo, cozzy aw the fuckin’ vultures, Raynjurz ur fuckin’ skint an’ they bastarts it Sellick ur gonny keep winnin’ hings cos thuv goat mair fuckin’ money thin us. It’s no’ fuckin’ fair, man!”