Northern Ireland is one fucked-up place. It must be the only place in the world where firemen turn up to dangerous bonfires but spray the surrounding buildings with water instead of putting the fires out. And I’m surprised the whole of NI isn’t queuing up for treatment for their lungs with the fumes of burning tyres engulfing the whole area. My favourite episode is about that boney some wee neds decided to set alight prematurely. After having nothing at all to say about the displays of sectarian, racist and xenophobic hatred, Unionist politicians are calling the ‘arson’ attack on the boney a ‘hate crime’! Unbelievable.

Then there was the hilarious video of water, presumably brought from the Boyne for the occasion, being poured along the street for ‘King Billy’ to cross on his horse. The funny thing is that you couldn’t get more unProtestant if you tried. One of the main aspects of the Reformation was doing away with all ceremonial actions. They should attach a dynamo to John Knox’s grave under that car park; he’s spinning so fast that he could power the whole of Britain.

I saw a video on Twitter of a match, sometime in the 90s, between Linfield and some other team (I forget who) at Windsor Park. The Linfield supporters attacked the fans of the other team, provoking the latter to respond in kind. The RUC then concentrated all their efforts on the away team’s supporters; effectively joining in the Linfield mob’s attack. It seems the PSNI is of the same mindset. After expressing fears over Celtic supporters attending the match in Belfast this week, they’re now claiming that they had nothing to do with Celtic’s refusal of their ticket allocation. This can only be with the intent of making Celtic look bad. It appears that, despite the Good Friday Agreement, a lot of things haven’t changed in NI. The manager at Linfield says that the Celtic supporters would have received a ‘warm welcome’. That’s what Celtic are worried about!

Meanwhile, at Neo-Gers, we all know how much they appreciate players with ‘plenty of experience’ but they can take things too far. Did you see that headline in the Daily Record? “Rangers hero Paul Gascoigne’s return to health will be complete when he’s playing in Gers shirt again”. Boxy must be getting pretty desperate.

And there’s that other story about the guy with loads of bestiality (or beastiality, as the DR puts it) porn on his computer and mobile phone. The man’s obviously one of The Peeppul, driven to this perversion through sheer desperation. I mean, have a look at these two pictures:

Now, I don’t know about you, but the longer I look at the picture on the left, the more sexually attractive I’m finding Flipper!

And McMurdo’s back! Actually, he’s been back for a wee while now, but I’ve only just discovered the fact. True to form, he has a load of shite to impart on the stripping of titles. He lies, “No attempt was made to evade tax in their (EBTs) use. In fact, the implementation of EBTs was a transparent action that displayed a clear money trail. So there was no intended laundering or evasion taking place.” What the fuck is he on about? The side letters prove conclusively that the intention was to cheat the tax man and as for a money trail, the EBTs weren’t listed individually on the accounts, merely presented as a total, so that it looked as if they were being used legitimately.

He goes on with the usual tripe about Dermot Desmond, Rietumu Banka and the old story about the Celtic Board falsifying attendance figures, while his acolytes, predictably, bring up child abuse. All this pish about EBTs being legal at the time is disingenuous. Yes, they were legal, but not in the way that Rangers used them. It’s been the law for years that company perks, like holidays, cars and shares, when used as part of a remuneration package, are counted as taxable income. EBTs are, and were, no different. The Rangers Board were well aware of this; why else would they have had secret side-letters? Merlin’s obviously still as mad as a bloody hatter!

The Daily Record’s ‘Rangers (sic) Blogger’,  James Black, has even worse pish to spout. He talks of “retrospective rule-changing to punish a club many of the same fans insist died five years ago”. Retrospective? Rule-changing? The rules on improper registration of players have been there for many years, as other clubs have found to their cost. As for the club dying five years ago, perhaps if The Peeppul admitted this, then nobody would bother their arse about title-stripping. As it is, they’re laying claim to these tainted trophies, which they don’t deserve on many levels.

As for the LNS being legally binding, as many others of The Peeppul contend: pure and utter pish! The decision wasn’t made in a court of law, but by a judge doing a wee bit of moonlighting as an ‘independent’ observer. The whole thing stank at the time and it still stinks now. As for other clubs being responsible for rushing into the inquiry, that’s pish as well. It was the SPFL hierarchy that did that. And, while we’re on the subject, didn’t all The Peepul, including Sooperally, claim that the inquiry was a ‘kangaroo court’ and refuse to even recognise its findings when they came? A huge change of heart when the findings were published, eh?

Away from football, and there’s a huge furore over a Tory MP’s use of the phrase ‘n***** in the woodpile’. This isn’t the first time this has happened; a Tory peer used the expression in 2008, causing a storm. This seems to be a favourite expression among the upper classes; I remember John (Lord) Oaksey using the phrase on Channel 4 Racing and later having to apologise. It’s about time these clowns realised that there’s a simple, and foolproof, way of making sure you never slip up in public like this: DON’T USE THE FUCKING EXPRESSION AT ALL, EVER!

Finally, I’m getting there with the new book in the Neo-Gers saga, tentatively titled Damned Agnivores. I’m desperately trying to get it finished before the season proper begins. Here’s hoping!

“Awright, troops? It’s true what’s bein’ said aboot thum tryin’ tae strip oor titles; it’s jist fuckin’ jealousy, man! EBTs wur fuckin’ legal an’ aw they fuckin’ trophies wur won fairly an’ fuckin’ sqarely oan the pitch. Ah mean, ye cannae fuckin’ argue wi’ a law lord, kin ye? What’s the fuckin’ guy’s name again…fuckin’…Derek Nimmo; he said thur wis nae fuckin’ sportin’ advantage ‘n ‘at. An’ noo, cozzy aw the fuckin’ vultures, Raynjurz ur fuckin’ skint an’ they bastarts it Sellick ur gonny keep winnin’ hings cos thuv goat mair fuckin’ money thin us. It’s no’ fuckin’ fair, man!”



  1. There certainly does seem to be more anger than normal amongst the bear hordes and their commentators, Tropicana, blogs etc are all living in cloud cuckoo land with optimism for the season ahead and the non Progres in Europe only slowed them down for a day or two! Wakey wakey yer a pile of cack guys end of! They’ll always resort to violence and extreme behaviours when things go badly cos they don’t know any better and were taught that by forefathers and the old club itself did nothing to try stem this cos they too had a sense of entitlement. Things never change and I for one don’t think titles will be stripped as they’ve funny handshakers in high places looks like and the Clubs are deafening in their silence. Fitba here is more corrupt than even FIFA is. Talking fitba matters the new Celtic signing comes highly regarded so fingers crossed BF has unearthed another wee gem to further nail doon the zombie box. New league season cannae start quick enough for me! HH


  2. Welcome back Bible Bill . We only need old Leggo back and Pat will have to do extra blogs to keep up with the insanity. I like the way Celtic go about signing a player quietly and professionaly and the most recent one seems to tick all the boxes young, able to be developed and if he reaches his potential with a reasonable resale value when he does decide to move on. He looks a big strong lad when you see him beside Dembele and as they have played together they should click all being well. I am a bit of a rebel as I have a few old pallets and rubbish to burn but will do it at the weekend without fancy dress and a few pissed pavement dancers to help out. If Phil is on the money it would seem there is a bit of a split in the Sevco dressing room between Pedro’s bargain bin players and the dross he inherited from the bread man and a few players to get punted to cut down the wage bill. If anything it looks like a bigger shambles than last year when the Tims were shivering at the thought of Joey Barton and a few other has beens only signed to get their winter fuel payments. Aberdeen on the other hand look stable with a manager committing to the club and a few good players coming in and I wish GMS all the best and a shame it did not work out at Celtic. Sevco will do well to match the third place they achieved in their first season in the big league and Pedro may not make it past Christmas . I think poor Sir David Murray is being treated a bit poorly by the orcs as he delivered most of what he promised . Spend £10 for every £5 Celtic spends yes I am sure I heard him promise a Caixinha so just the floating pitch to go.


  3. I see Phil is writing another book and this is what separates him and yersel Pat from TwatTames! I’ve only read your Clash and up to yer knees but were excellent! Phil sells too but the rehash my old blogs as new and plageurism king JJ is hell bent on turning his blog into a shrine to his ego and comments amount to his amounts given or pledged! Do folks not see its old news re-worded or taken from other sites? He’s now calling Boxy the pound shop Mourinho and whilst clever it wasn’t him that penned the moniker! Shame on ya -pls buy a scone to keep yer belly from the backbone or more likely the third chin from the pavement!

    Kudos Pat I think I’ll try the McGlinchey code next ! Looks a good ‘un


  4. Be fair, Pat. When it comes to how to burn Catholics in effigy, the Orangemen can tell their arson from their hellfire.


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