So, Honest Dave has finally acquiesced and promised to make the offer to buy those other shares to avoid going to the chokey. While our media make out that he’s doing it out of the goodness of his heart, anybody that looks closely can see that Dave has a cunning plan.
All along, he’s been saying that this business of having to buy shares has got nothing to do with Neo-Gers; it’s his own, personal problem. Now he’s claiming that there are folk linked to organised crime holding shares in the club. Apparently, as King says, “share offer funds could not be transferred to these four individuals under anti-money laundering legislation”. Presumably, that works both ways and those individuals won’t be allowed to buy more shares either.
A Neo-Gers shareholder, yesterday.
Now, who do we know at Neo-Gers that’s a crook and involved with organised crime? Before you say ‘Big Sandy’, think bigger. What do you think’s going to happen when that crook makes an offer to buy all the shares outwith his concert party? The Neo-Gers board will claim that anti-money laundering legislation means that the crook isn’t allowed to buy more shares. What happens then? Honest Dave will have the Takeover Panel over a barrel. And anybody that thinks the SFA or Police Scotland will do anything about it is seriously deluded.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Oppadoppolous, but that load you took off that Mr. King’s playin’ ‘avoc with the machines!”
Meanwhile, The Peeppul are getting themselves all excited. A 0-0 draw against a poor Villareal side has got them thinking that they’re going to win the UEFA Cup. And, with Celtic playing in the League Cup final on Sunday, they think Hearts is going to lie down and let their team go top of the table. Even if they do manage to go top, however, it won’t be for very long. Sometimes you almost feel sorry for them. Almost.
Speaking of Sunday’s match at Tynecastle, there’s still the threat of everyone’s favourite fascist, Tommy Robinson, turning up. Robinson made a complete arse of himself during the week, claiming the Syrian boy being bullied in an online video deserved everything he got. An even bigger arse, though, was renowned thug Bob Malcolm, who believed Robinson’s shite and was on the bully’s side as well. Once a Hun, always a Hun.
Now, there’s an idea for Neil Lennon to put an end to all the bigotry he suffers at the hands of The Peeppul. All he needs to do is change his first name to Yaxley. It might not make the Huns hate him any less, but it’ll certainly make some of their empty heads explode.
If Robinson does turn up at Tynecastle, he’ll probably be hoping that the Union Bears don’t greet him with an indecipherable tifo. Even The Peeppul themselves don’t understand those ridiculous displays. Some of them were on FollowFollow, asking what Thursday’s effort said. It’s pretty pathetic when even your fellow supporters don’t understand what you’re trying to say. And that wasn’t the only thing The Peeppul were moaning about on Fat Dingwall’s forum.
They were annoyed as hell about the clown that decided to go onto the pitch to attack the linesman. Most of them, though, weren’t so much annoyed at the guy entering the field of play as they were at the fact that he appeared to change his mind about his attack. They were also riled at the security man, who ran half the length of the pitch to grab the invader. According to The Peeppul, it was this guy, doing his job, that was going to bring down the wrath of UEFA for drawing attention to the fact that somebody had invaded the pitch. They’re seriously not right in the skull.
One of them, though, managed to come up with a line worthy of winning Joke of the Year at the Edinburgh Fringe. In fact, it’s too good to be included with that pretentious shite. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Quote of 2018:
“Absolute moron. 100% taig behaviour. If you can’t control yourself because there’s been a red card, you shouldn’t be at the game. ”
Taig behaviour? After all the excuses the polis and everybody else has been making for Huns trying to get onto the pitch to do violence to everybody? It’s the way he tells them!
Apparently, Paul Gascoigne’s Twitter account was hacked and dodgy messages were being sent to young women. That’ll be the same hacker that sexually assaulted a young woman on a train and stood in the middle of the street with his dick hanging out, eh? Aye, the Hall of Fame beckons!
Did you see that story about the woman, dragged to religious meetings by her doctor, who ended up having an owl phobia? Now, there’s a debilitating condition, eh? Maybe if she was at fucking Hogwarts! I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a real, live owl. I hear them, over in the trees when I’m out for a fag but, even when they’re circling overhead screeching their heads off, I can never see them. Hector’s probably got them nesting on his mantelpiece but, for the rest of us, they come out when it’s too dark. Mind you, maybe it’s better to have a phobia of the brutes; they’re evil-looking bastards.
Finally, a wee shout out to Graeme Murty, who is probably already anticipating that phone call yet again. According to Twitter, he has been busy helping to re-decorate a hospital and keeping child patients amused. The guy’s too good to be a Hun!
P.S. I see there was somebody on the telly arguing that they should ban Advent calendars with chocolate behind the doors, since it’s just encouraging children to be greedy, little bastards. She might be heartened to hear of my experience with a spoilt little shit in one of my classes. I always had a chocolate Advent calendar in my class at this time of year and everybody would get a turn at opening one of the doors. On December 1st one year, some of my pupils realised that they’d forgotten to open their own calendars at home. One boy sneeringly said that he’d been given six Advent calendars by aunties and the like. I asked him if he’d opened six doors that morning and he replied that he’d ripped them all open and eaten all the chocolate as soon as he’d got them. You can see where that woman’s coming from!
“Awright, troops? Ah wiz doon the hoaspital iz well this week. Ah wiznae daein’ any decoratin’ ur that, though. Ah wiz fillin’ up boattles wi’ that hand wash stuff ye get ootside the wards. Jist mix it wi’ a bit-a lemonade an’ ye’ve goat the perfect Christmas cargo. The weans love it!”
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