YOSSARIAN F.C.

It was hard to avoid all the stuff about D-Day landings and it was obvious that it was being used to inspire everybody with the ‘Dunkirk Spirit’ that’s the Brexiteers’ stock-in-trade. They tried their best but, unlike Dunkirk, which they can use in a Britain-alone-against-the World kind of way, D-Day was all about international co-operation. It was embarrassing to hear all those old soldiers speak out against Brexit and how they wanted us in Europe, working together. I don’t think that was part of the plan.

I hate all these jingoistic displays, just as everybody does unless they’re English racists or Orange bastards. The sheer hypocrisy of it all being led by cunts that, during a war, just stand back and cheerlead. And I couldn’t believe Trump reading out the words of FDR, a man that stood against everything that Trump is. At least the Royals didn’t embarrass themselves too much. I noticed that Charlie wore a suit, instead of some uniform covered in medals that he did fuck all to earn.

“Did somebody mention Charlie?”

My daughter’s next-door neighbours are Spanish and she was saying recently how she was looking forward to the summer and hoping that they’d have a barbecue. She conjured up visions of fajitas and the like until I burst her bubble by saying that they’re Spanish, not Mexican. Talk about embarrassed! She had the good grace to admit that she was stereotyping and that, even if they were Mexican, they’d probably just serve up burgers and chicken, like everybody else.

And that’s something that I haven’t seen anybody mentioning about that Paul Gascoigne video. Everybody’s going on about what a poor, pathetic figure he cuts, how he needs to get help etc. etc. What struck me, though, was the way he automatically assumed that the guy would be able to get cocaine for him. The guy was a fan and looked happy to meet his hero. All that seemed to go through Gazza’s mind was – black guy – drugs! It’s not the first time he’s shown himself as a racist cunt. “No surrender,” he says. Christ, is there any substance he hasn’t surrendered to?

Meanwhile, the Daily Record is reporting that even though several European clubs are interested in El Guffalo, they’ve no chance because he’ll only move to the English Premier League. Do they honestly expect us to believe this pish? Probably not; but The Peeppul will lap it up. One question. If he’s so desperate to play in England, then why the fuck hasn’t he bothered to learn English?

The Daily Record also has the latest from the Scottish Child Abuse Inquiry and, surprise surprise, it’s all about a school run by a Catholic order. I thought this inquiry was supposed to be looking into all institutions; it certainly doesn’t seem that way. Then again, maybe the Daily Record picks and chooses which revelations are worth reporting. And they try to tell us that Orangeism is dying out!

And we’re still hearing calls for Celtic to issue a full-blown apology for Torbett etc. They don’t want money or anything, you understand; just a heart-felt apology. Everybody knows, though, that such an apology would be an admission of guilt and the vultures would soon descend. Damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

The sheer stupidity of those in the media never ceases to amaze me. There are currently warnings going out about a water-borne bacteria that’s spreading across Thailand. Apparently, it’s curly-shaped. What the hell is that piece of information for; so you can recognise it when you see it coming toward you? Do they think everybody walks about carrying microscopes? The best way to avoid any of these nasty diseases, though, is to stay at home. For extra super safety, barricade the doors and windows and attach the front and back doorknobs to the electricity mains to stop any cunt trying to get in. And, for God’s sake, watch out for big, curly bastards!

“Oh, shit! Thur’s somethin’ curly in that waater! Run – run fur yer fuckin’ lives!”

The reporters covering the D-Day commemorations were just as moronic. As the camera surveyed the veterans, the voice-over said that some of them were ‘in their nineties’. Er…it was 75 years ago and you had to be 18 to fight, so they’d all have to be at least 93! God almighty! Then again, maybe they were sending children over to fight the Nazis. A big gang of Proddies from Govan, no doubt, ashamed that their faithers were hiding in the shipyards.

“Sendin’ weans tae war? That’s abuse intit? Sellick must’ve been involved. Strip thur titles!”

And then there’s something I was just talking about to Der Fuhrer; non-sequiturs in adverts. Like that advert for claiming PPI, where the guy starts off, “Money? Who needs it?” before telling you to get your claim in quick. If I don’t need money, then why the fuck would I bother? Do ad agencies actually get paid to come up with this pish? My real bugbear, though, is this fucker, who turns up on the telly every March:

“Tax doesn’t have to be taxing!” he exclaims at the end of the advert. If you hadn’t seen the rest of it, you’d assume that he’d just explained how easy the whole thing is. Instead, though, he’s just warned everybody that if they don’t get their tax forms in on time, then they face a bloody great fine. After that, he smiles and delivers his line, “Tax doesn’t have to be taxing!” But you’ve just fucking said that it is, you stupid bastard!

The biggest surprise to me recently is how long it’s taken folk to realise what an arsehole Morrissey is. I keep reading people saying how much he seemed to care back in his Smiths days, when he used to speak for the underdog. Er…no he didn’t. He spoke for people like himself that were up their own arses. His songs might have sounded like they were all about being lonely and destitute but, if you really listened, they were about some prick thinking he’s better than everybody; more intelligent, more handsome etc. The reason why he’s lonely is due to the jealousy of them out there. The guy’s always been a prick and I found it hard to understand what the big deal was about him and the Smiths, which was just another jingly-jangly guitar band, like Haircut 100.

Charming man my arse!

The other day I looked out the kitchen window and spotted a huge cruise ship sitting in the middle of the Firth of Forth. I showed Der Fuhrer and she laughed, informing me that it was an island! Apparently, it had been there all the time and I hadn’t noticed. Imagine how smug I felt a couple of hours later when it had disappeared. I told her to phone the police and ask for the Missing Islands department. I won’t be letting Der Fuhrer forget that one in a hurry!

Finally, if you’re wondering why the paperback of my new book isn’t available yet, then wonder no more. I’ve had trouble galore trying to get the cover right, with the swines turning it down constantly. It’s currently ‘in review’ yet again. Hopefully, this time it’s okay and it’ll be available in the next couple of days. Meanwhile, there’s always the Kindle version…

Available here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07SKV2DPS

“Awright, troops? Ah’ve heard thit aw these SNP wans ur oan aboot an independent Scotland again, sayin’ how wur gonny bae worse aff coz-y Brexit ‘n ‘at. Like any normal person, though, Ah don’t care if Ah end up starvin’ tae death. Wae cannae abandon Hur Majisty, kin wae? That’s the only hing thit maitters! An’ though Ah’m enjoyin’ aw the tributes tae D-Day ‘n ‘at, Ah cannae help but bae a wee bit annoyed. What aboot aw the brave men, like ma granda, thit toiled away in an overcrowded shipyerd?”

Details of all my books can be found here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pat-Anderson/e/B075GL84WM/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_ebooks_1

Billy’s magnum opus is here

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B07HGVKC7X

Remember, if you’re skint for any reason, just drop me an e-mail at andrsptr@outlook.com and I’ll send you Kindle copies of any of my books for free.

 

27 thoughts on “YOSSARIAN F.C.

  1. Evening Pat,

    This gazza stuff its less to do with racism and more to do with the fact that if you don’t snort it you’re in the minority, anyone can get it for you!

    Ive always seen Morrisey as an arse, good song writer but overall wanker, comes across terribly.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks POTRPA that’s PaddyOnTheRailwayPatAnderson,I had just finished reading about ‘the english’ according to the commentator that are in Portugal BUT they are there to cause trouble,whereas,’the english football fans’ are there to watch the football!!
    I nearly shouted at the telly then realised the futility of that and that the commentators’ distinction IS PURE N UTTER PISH
    Either way they ARE ENGLISH and they are;YET AGAIN causing chaos abroad.
    So,POTRPA are you psychic? Your timing of posts is uncannily just perfect.✅
    Thanks HH🍀

    Like

    1. Since the Russians humiliated them on the streets of Marseille the Ingerlund morons have steadily returned in recent away matches to their stereotypically stag party, behave like a cunt mentality wherever they go again, all depressing stuff and a complete pain in the arse for any city holding them.

      Many fans in Madrid last week for the CL final were moaning like fuck that there were no fanzones and bars were shutting down early before the game started….can you blame any commercial business for not wanting to risk being wrecked considering these wankers track record

      Liked by 3 people

      1. To be fair, i went to a place me and my friend go to fairly often for the football as most places we go don’t have tele’s, and we got there early to get a good seat l, anyway we got there and it was heaving! Good 200 people all mixed fans and i thought there would be trouble, was fairly relaxed and everyone getting along, maybe we were lucky.

        Only takes one fanny to kick up a fuss.

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  3. I struggled with the music/arsehole dichotomy in my youth – you love a band’s music so you want to like the musician, but they turn out to be one of those boring politicised wankoids, or some raving nutjob, and you try very hard not to let that spoil the music for you. Frank Skinner in his autobiography says something similar when Johnny Rotten appeared on one of his shows and was a complete arse, and it nearly ruined the Sex Pistols for him. These days, I’m pretty good at separating the art from the artist.

    Although I agree Morrissey is a self-obsessed attention-seeker, his music is fantastic.

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  4. Jimboh, Parsley, Pat, I looked at that sentinelcelts site and found Christina posting there so she is alive and well after all!😁 It’s too serious for my taste but maybe more suited to a ‘brainy bint’ like Christina and her monster posts.😁 It seems she got fed up with certain unnamed ‘idiots’ on other blogs (can’t think who she means😁). I don’t think I’ll follow her across though as it seems a bit dry and boring there.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for that, it’s good to know she’s okay. She’s a smart cookie and should have started her own blog as her analysis of things was very good. I thought she enjoyed the banter on here but maybe we weren’t serious enough for her.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Thnx Owen.

        Good to know that she is still active though as Arsene says it’s long past time that she started her own Blog. What I liked about her writing was that throughout the good analysis of events her passion for Celtic always shone through. That’s not to say that it was unquestioning. I also liked her somewhat dry humour regarding her domestic arrangement. Families can be a pain at times.

        Will drop in to see how she is doing., I’ll just “Lurk” in the background for a bit so as not to chase her away.

        H.H.

        JimboH.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. She makes a couple of appearances on the ‘Private Investigation’ blog if you plough through the comments. It’s definitely our Christina as the style is the same. Come back Christina we all miss you!💘

          I probably engaged with her the most so I hope it wasn’t me that drove her away. I don’t think so though as she always ended her replies with a wee loveheart so she obviously didn’t take me seriously. Like you I would have liked to see her blog take shape but blogging is a full-time, stress-filled, thankless task, just look at poor old JJ – he’s gone fucking mad!😁😁😁

          P.S. Jimboh, did you see I won caption of the day on etims? Fame at last!😁😁😁

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I saw that caption – yon political satire gemme’s a piece o’ piss intit? The mod on Sentinels also said you’d the best Tim username on the net – fame indeed. I’m beginning to think you’re not a real Hun at all.😁

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Arsene, you would be amazed at how many people believe the hun thing despite the name! I’ve had to steer clear of doing it on other sites. Now that I’ve found her I’m going to hang around the other blog for a while to see if I can catch Christina ‘live’ so to speak and persuade her to return for the new season. Let’s face it, we need someone with brains on here😁😁😁

              Jimboh, there’s nuthin’ fishy aboot it – Ah know ma plaice an’ didnae waant tae trout masel’ as a hun oan etims. Ma wallet’s took a bit o’ a scallopin’ this week an’ Ah thoat they wid gie me a few squid fur ma caption but Ah won cod all. As fur swearin’ well ye wid need tae be an inartick…unarctic…thick basturd tae huv tae resort tae fuckin’ fowl langwidge fur fuck’s sake😬😬😬

              Liked by 1 person

  5. Are you seriously that deluded and out of touch with reality to think the media and in particular BBC and SKY want to push a pro Brexit stance on absolutely anything on their propaganda filled channels…when someone is so far removed from reality and what’s really going on in the world it’s a real stretch to take anything else they say with any sort of seriousness.

    “There’s nothing worse than a half educated man”

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  6. I see the rabid ones are calling out Celtic sponsors to cancel deals over the child abuse that was only af cfc ,considered this. 5 of the abusers were all at hibs before going to rfc and cfc so you would think the “investigator journalists”at the DR and other rags would see some kind of pattern emerging.anyho kindle books are all bought for holiday and been recommending ‘up to our knees’to every tim I meet .keep safe

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  7. Noo PLEASE don’t take this the wrong way,I LIKE Scousers,they are quick witted and always looking to have a laugh.I have many Scouse friends here in Devon,Jocks n Scouse run this town…
    However it takes two to tango and I saw plenty reds and spurs running in the clips,it is sad that the Russians haven’t taught them the lesson they so badly needed.
    Worse still that this minority will tarnish both clubs.

    ENGLISH FOOTBALL FANS,MORONS ON TOUR ….BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES‼️

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  8. Good morning all . Just back from a dawn patrol through some of the nastier areas of Mordor looking for my old pal PZJ as I worry about the old fruitcake . A trawl of his pals and no sign so did a twitter search and unless he has had a sex change and likes to pose for selfies in his smalls no sign . If he has had a sex change I must say he is looking well on it but may have overdone the boob implants . Bible Bill is quiet and now styles himself as 21st Century man on twitter which is a bit of a joke given how far in the past he lives . The fireguard bores have lost none of their boyish charm and as expected are in a lather over the Celtic Boys club story and Natalie McGarry getting the jail . I must admit I miss old PZJ and have lost track of him since being blocked by him on twitter . His state aid stuff was comedy gold and watching old Eco take apart his mad ideas in great detail and at great length was a guilty pleasure . SFM has never been the same since Eco threw in the towel and is now just a meeting place for a few sad obsessed old men with too much time on their hands . Thank god we still have JJ to laugh at .

    Like

  9. Dont tempt me with JJ Hector!

    I hear we may have Larsson coming in as an assistant, seems fanciful mind you.

    How come bear grylls gets an OBE but Ray Mears doesn’t?

    If i was in need of survival tips or was stranded id want Ray by my side, he’d have you sorted, fire going, camp setup, that weird mushroom man might even be about, where as bear would be running about looking for a camel to sleep inside jabbering away like the f ing clown that he is.

    Like

  10. Hi pat bhoy,Great news your new book is out.
    my xmass has came early,looking forward to reading it tonight,thanks again mhate for giving me a bit of happy😊👍🐶

    Like

  11. Hard lines to the Scottish ladies and good luck on Friday . I have only seen the Scottish goal but will try for the highlights later as would like to see the tackle by young Beattie as I hear it is one her old man would have been proud of . Every ones favourite over payed crisp salesman and wingnut tribute act has been trolling the ” plucky ” Scots and has only mentioned 1966 a couple of hundred times in the last two days so be nice to him as he is just looking for a reaction .

    Liked by 1 person

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