Back in 1998 I started at yet another primary school in Glasgow. It was a P1 class, which I’d never had before so I was dreading it. It turned out to be not so bad and I got on really well with the children, which I usually did, probably because I have a similar sense of humour. The big problem I had with working in Glasgow was that I could only get supply work, even though it was long-term. I’d been doing supply for six years, all the while applying for permanent posts that I never got. I even applied for jobs outside of Glasgow.

Out of the blue, I got an interview at Whitecraig and, a week later, was offered the job. Now, I enjoyed working in Glasgow and had got quite attached to my P1 class. Der Fuhrer preferred living in Glasgow and there was a lot more there for my daughter to do. What else could I do, though? I couldn’t be guaranteed constant work in Glasgow, so I had to take the Whitecraig job and we had to move. Things didn’t exactly work out that well, but I wasn’t to know that at the time. Some of my wee P1s, by the way, cried when I told them I was leaving. Mind you, if I’d gone back a few months later, they’d probably have asked who the hell I was!

As you’ve no doubt guessed, I’m alluding to the Kieran Tierney situation. Why the hell anybody should give him a hard time over moving to Arsenal is a bit over the top. Yes, he loves Celtic, no, he probably doesn’t want to leave but a footballer’s career is a short one and he’s got to do what’s best for himself and his future.

Of course, The Peeppul and the agnivores are in two minds over how to react to the news. On the one hand, they’re glad that Celtic’s losing an excellent player, on the other, they hate the idea that Celtic has another £25m in the coffers. Plus, there’s the fact that nobody wants any of their ‘stars’. Does anybody believe that West Bromwich Albion bid £10m for El Guffalo? Well, The Peeppul do and they’re all happy that Neo-Gers ‘turned down’ the ‘bid’ and Morelos will be staying. The DR, meanwhile, has cleared things up regarding bids from China. Just in case anybody got in touch with Hebel Fortune, the DR says that it actually wasn’t them that made the bid, but ‘another’ Chinese team. They also say that, “Morelos could still leave to a major league in Europe before the end of the month”. Can’t they get it through their skulls that nobody wants the fucking red-card magnet?

The Scottish media is going overboard to make excuses for the Huns. It seems that there was a ‘crush’ outside Rugby Park, even though there were no barriers and plenty of room for even the Huns’ XXXXXXXXXXXXL bodies to stand clear of each other. It reminded me of the film, I Robot, when they talk about how robots in storage all huddle together in the corner instead of spreading out. And those machines were a lot smarter than your average Hun, so there’s obviously something strange going on.

“Wur gonny miss the start-y the game, ya cunt!”

The fact is that The Peeppul don’t like wide, open spaces. You’ll notice, every July, that they like to walk along the streets in ranks, with the polis hemming them in on either side. The videos of the exterior of Rugby Park show only one polis on a cuddy, so The Peeppul evidently didn’t feel safe. That’s why they were all huddled together near the entrance. The blame, though, is being put on the folk checking the tickets, with one complainant saying that they took five minutes to scan his ticket. Maybe if they hadn’t already scanned the facsimiles he’d given to his mates, then there wouldn’t have been a problem!

Over on Hun Media, you can virtually taste their tears of rage. One of them has accused Celtic supporters at last night’s match of waving a Communist Romanian flag. Christ, they’re getting desperate! And they’re all over the story of the Neo-Gers women’s team being verbally abused, even though nobody seems to be able to provide any details. You’ve got to laugh at them blasting their board for not sticking up for them, Most especially delusional is this one:

“Don’t forget that fat piece of shite . James Traynor who I feel is majorly responsible for our silence on all these attacks.”

Christ, it was Jabba that probably invented this pish to deflect from their behaviour at Rugby Park! They don’t live in the real world at all. A couple of other, linked, statements prove that they’ve no self-awareness whatsoever:

“They are born scum and will die scum.”

“No one is born scum really, its bred into them, parents breed hate into kids.”

“Show’s yer tits!”
“Ah cannae. Thur aw it Rugby Park!”

On the subject of kids, the DR has been singing the praises of some Hunlet, who, it seems, shows what supporting your team is all about. Apparently, he knows all the words to some song called Every Saturday we Follow. He’ll be the only one, then. One can’t help but wonder what other songs he knows all the words to.

“Daddy, kin Ah go an’ climb oan the disabled shelter?”
“Naw, son. No’ until they lads oan the roof ur finished daein’ thur risk assessment.”

Did you read about that plane that had to make an emergency landing when it filled up with smoke? Apparently, all the passengers were terrified, but every cloud and all that. To the guy hiding in the lavvy to have a sneaky fag, it was a bloody godsend! I remember we were on a plane to Portugal when the pilot informed us all that some ‘selfish individual’ had been ‘putting all our lives at risk’ by smoking in the toilet and that the police would be awaiting him at Faro Airport. It seemed a bit of an overreaction to me. Back in the 70s and 80s, when half the passengers were coughing their way through the duty-frees, I don’t remember all the planes falling out of the sky. And when I was at school, I remember that you couldn’t smell the smoke on a plane because fresh air was constantly pumped in. Now, everybody’s struggling to breathe because of the recycled air. Progress, eh?

The Embassy Regal Crash of 1976. Luckily nobody was killed.

I saw a bit of a programme last night with Sean Locke. He was about as funny as getting your baw-sack caught in the zip. One thing he mentioned was how everybody says they want to swim with dolphins, as if it’s the greatest thing in the world. It’s a thing I don’t understand. I’d rather swim with a gaggle of naked, nubile young women, who are all inexplicably in love with me. In fact, we can take the swimming part out completely. Anyway, what’s so special about a dolphin? The brute doesn’t even know that it’s not a fish. And there’s a saying I’ve seen a lot on Twitter – Get in the sea. I don’t fully understand it, but it’s generally said to stupid cunts. So, away back in the mists of time, a certain mammal was told to ‘Get in the sea’ and it went ahead and complied. And these creatures are supposed to be intelligent? If they had even a shred of intelligence, they’d tell all the arseholes that want to swim with them to fuck off! You wouldn’t see sharks letting cunts ride on their backs or hold onto their dorsal fins for a hudgie.

“Listen, ya cheeky basturt. Ah’ve goat Higher Widwork! No’ thit it’s been much use tae mae in here.”

Have you seen that vomit-inducing article by Neil Cameron, moaning about how the word ‘Fenian’ has no place on a Celtic banner in this day and age? After all, times have moved on since his uncle’s day and Catholics are no longer treated like second-class citizens, are they? Talk about being out of touch! While racists in England have been encouraged to attack foreigners in the name of Brexit, our own versions constantly make it clear that those of Irish descent are to be treated the same way. According to Neil Cameron, we should ‘move on’ which sounds a bit Jabba-ish. Sorry, Mr. Cameron, but the days of sitting at the back of the bus are over.

“Awright, troops? The truth’s comin’ oot it last. It’s no’ Raynjurz thit ur strugglin’ fur money; it’s theym. While Raynjurz ur turnin’ doon aw manner-a offers fur Morelos, Sellick ur hivvin’ tae sell aff thur best players. It’s definite proof thit thur gauin’ backwards. An’ diz emdy really believe thit they goat £25m? It’s aw jist mair Hollicom pish, wi’ the compliant mhedia lappin’ it up. Thull aw bae greetin’ like fuck come next May!”

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28 thoughts on “MOVING ON

  1. The fact thatvKT has left us is sad on more than one level. We will miss him, his megaphone and his ability as an lb. We’ll take his £25mil though and wish him well on his new venture. But most pleasing is the “Rangers” can only look on abd drool at our ability to turn a quid or 2 from our stable while the donkey derby has no offers. Good luck KT, and to the lurkers remember 2012, it’s comimg to the newco sooner than you thik and no amount of deflection will stop it. Keep up the good work Pat. Love your work. HH


  2. Ps Pat, don’t give me lines for not using spellcheck, or not previewing before pinting. Mean printing, or maybe both.


  3. Move on my toe up his hole and anybody else wi that shoite…. Move on cos wit???? You are no happy punt up the hole you move on ahole..!!!


  4. Morning all . E- Tims has a good take on the sale of KT to Arsehole FC . Well thought out post that sums it all up and manages to be clever and witty while doing it . JJ eat your heart out . As the dust settles on the English big money window closing the twenty million pound man is still on the books at Sevco despite the chip wrapper press doing its bit to sell the little thug . I must admit I have no desire to swim with dolphins though do enjoy watching them and given the choice not from a boat crammed full of punters all pushing each other to get a picture . Whale and dolphin watching has become a big thing out here and as they recover some of the big stuff like fin and humpbacks are turning up . There was even a young sperm whale in Oban bay the other year .


    1. G`day Hector,God Bless to you and yours.
      To they that thought they that wallop with thy right peg…no last to last 32 maybe?
      Is Kieran an Arsenal?You bet your sweet left foot he is.

      sevco superfluity FC.


      1. Well Port it has been a while . Still not sure what you are on about most of the time but hope all is well down under and if you see Fra tell him to get a job .


    2. Is it Da psychology on the phone Hector?
      Mega greetin` from his age.

      Samsung still in the corner?

      Kieran Tierney`s both Grannies were Irish.


  5. Summer must be over as SFM have their Autumn blog up . It is a book review by Auldheid of a book called Tangled up in Blue and no it is not the mythical book JJ has promised . Another book about Rangers going down the pan will not be on my reading list . The old boys as they do just ignore the blog and carry on as normal droning on about deeds of novation and floaters and the like . God I wish I had attended the SFM tea dance all those years ago just to see if the fossils are as ghastly in real life as they come across in cyberspace . Auldheid does a good review if a little long but I suspect even the fossils at SFM could find the book a bit dull as the Rangers story has been done to death . They should get Monti to review books as it would save him having to buy them and I suspect his take on this book would be short and sweet . ” Pish ” .


  6. Pat, just going through your latest book and so far so good, along with ‘Renowned soup slurper, Nevin’ which got me, there’s one bit in chapter 7 that I’m sure refers to AT’s insult of calling me a ‘Ring pull’ and that cracked me up! I still don’t know what a ring pull is, so AT if you’re out there please explain even if its in abbreviated letters!

    Also I cant work out Portpower, and he reminds me of a chap who used to be on CQN years back, who went by the name of ‘Kojo’, who wrote almost the same kind of riddles, and signed off with, ‘ Always laughing, always smiling’, could never work out what they were on about!


  7. … when the Auburn cross the threshold?

    Sat with them all enthralled.Plate of stovies,Soccer & politics.

    Anyway,don`t give up.


  8. Good morning as the great and not so good round the world breathe a huge sigh of relief now that their supplier of underage sex slaves has been suicided . I am sure the Fireguard Bores are searching for a Celtic connection as we speak . A couple of presidents and a member of the royal family implicated so it was likely to end one way .
    On planet fitba dear reader there is not a lot going on so our award winning giants are doing what they do best blowing their own trumpets . A look at Clickbait News Now site shows not a lot happening in the transfer world or at least not a lot going on that the in the know crowd have got wind of . Celtic could still use some defenders but we do look strong going forward . I have lost track of the Sevco squad and with a team photo would be lucky to name half a dozen though I see Tav is being touted for the Scotland team now that even the orcs are starting to get it that he is not getting an England cap . We will see how the orcs get on today when they play pretenders to the title Hibs .
    Wings over Scotland blogger Stu Campbell has threatened to launch a political party to stand list candidates at the next Scottish elections and his many fans have gone into meltdown . It follows an interview in the Times with one of the many uncle Tam Scottish hacks . For a wee guy from Bath that they claim does not matter the Yoons spend a hell of a lot of time going after Stu which suggests that his site is having an effect . Even our hero JJ had a pop at him a while back but I suspect that was a condition of his contract with a well known PR house . Angela Haggerty has a real pop but then she has seen her time at Common Space and her friends party RISE taken apart by Wings over the years and is just a bitter twisted wee woman with a large chip on her shoulder . Whatever you think of Stu even his haters cannot deny that as a media analyst he is second to none hence the many attempts to smear him and shut him up . Even the SNP have had a go at him calling him divisive as he swears a lot a bit like Pat when you think about it . Whether Wings is just on the wind up or trying to get the SNP off its arse we have no way of knowing but I doubt he is going to go away thank god as we need him and a few more like him .

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sad to say, the SNP under NS has lost its way and is too comfortable with the status quo. The passion and enthusiasm generated during the referendum has disappeared like snaw aff a dyke (NS and her pals would probably say that’s homophobic).

    I’ve lost all hope of seeing independence under NS. She has failed to build on the groundwork done by Salmond and has been a huge disappointment. Complacency was the downfall of Scottish Labour and the Nats are in danger of going the same way.

    Rev Stu’s idea of a new radical indy party on the regional lists would give NS the kick up the arse she needs to get back on track and forget all this ‘woke’ nonsense she is mired in – leave that to the RISE mob of no-hopers. Stu will certainly get my vote if he goes ahead.

    PS And it’s time to put that dinosaur Gordon Brown out of his, and our, misery instead of dragging him out to lecture us every time the polls look a bit ‘Indy’. I can’t stand much more of his miserable, greetin’ face on the telly.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. The SNP have lost their way big time and suspect a few of them are just getting too comfortable with their snouts in the Westminster trough . The wider Yes movement is going from strength to strength which makes the decision to have a go at it by the SNP look just plain daft . The SNP have been lucky that there has been no alternative home for the Indy vote other than the Greens which come with so much baggage that the SNP get votes by default . Not sure if Wings will run candidates on the list but just the idea has got the Yoons howling .

      Liked by 1 person

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