Guess which teams the Daily Record is talking about here:
“…competing for a place at the table in Europe’s second tier competition.”
“…aiming for the prestige and millions available in the Europa League group stages.”
Celtic’s win against AIK is shrugged off by the media as no big deal or, at best, a relief for the club and supporters alike. Meanwhile, Neo-Gers’ scoreless draw against a team they were tipped to beat comprehensively is built up as if it actually were a rout. A ‘battling draw’ the agnivores are calling it. That, however, isn’t the main story concerning Neo-Gers.
The Peeppul, as they usually do, have been singing their songs of hatred. Unlike in domestic competitions, where such behaviour is called ‘culture’, UEFA simply won’t stand for their shite. Also, as they usually do, The Peeppul can’t accept that they’re in any way to blame; it’s those fucking Fenians at FARE that are causing all the problems, scrutinising the Neo-Gers support, desperately looking for any little thing to pull them up on.
Neo-Gers, Steve Gerrard and the Louden Tavern management have all had their say on the matter. The interesting thing is that none of them see anything wrong with the songs per se; they only want them stopped because they’re ‘hurtin’ Raynjurz’. According to the Daily Record, the Louden “asked bigots to stay away from Ibrox”. Er…no, they didn’t. What they actually said was, “Do you continue to hurt the club and the wider fan base even though it feels unfair or do you bite the bullet and do what’s best for Rangers FC (sic)?”
Those phrases, ‘feels unfair’ and ‘bite the bullet’ are telling. Essentially, the narrative is that it is unfair and that The Peeppul are doing nothing wrong. FARE and even Peter Lawwell, apparently, are well in with UEFA, however, so The Peeppul need to, as one character on Hun Media puts it, ‘play the game’. That’s what’s meant by ‘biting the bullet’. Nobody is willing to condemn the singing outright, only the ‘unfair’ consequences of the singing.
The Daily Record, meanwhile, says that Steven Gerrard has been shocked by the depth of the ‘religious divide’. Now, that’s a load of absolute shite; there is no ‘religious divide’. It’s just a bunch of fucking bigots that can’t get their head around the fact that the world’s moved on. They’re still fighting their version of the Battle of the Boyne while the rest of us are talking about equality and inclusion.
The whole thing shows up what a sham the Everyone Anyone initiative is. It’s been a box-ticking exercise, nothing more. A way for Scotland’s football authorities to say that Neo-Gers are doing all they can to tackle bigotry. It helps them argue the case against Strict Liability. And yet, nobody mentions why the Neo-Gers third kit is orange or why so many of The Peeppul wear that rather than the home kit. Most other teams’ supporters probably don’t even know what the third kit looks like, if they even have one. The chances are that the Neo-Gers players will never wear the kit, so why is it so popular among the support and why did the club make such a big deal over it?
“Wur orange taps hivnae goat anyhin’ tae dae wae the Orange Order. Thur tae pye tribute tae the Dutch contingent it wur club. Aw, wait…that wiz years ago. Ah’ve goat it…thur a tribute tae the humble hauf-time orange. Efter aw, we eat wur five a day, no’ like they manky Tarriers.”
The ned’s ned, Barry Ferguson has got his chubby-stump crayons out again to contribute to the debate. Predictably, he calls it an ‘Old Firm’ thing, desperately trying to drag Celtic into it. Comparing ‘Fenian bastard’ with ‘Orange bastard’, however, is a non-starter. We all know what they mean by ‘Fenian’, no matter how they try to spin it; it refers to Catholics. ‘Orange’, though, despite what the Huns say, does not refer to any religious denomination. The Orange Order is akin to the Nazis or the KKK and deserves to be pilloried at every opportunity. If they don’t want to be called ‘Orange bastards’, the solution is simple – stop singing Orange songs.
Barry, in both-sides-as-bad-as-each-other mode, says that he can’t go out to the pub on the day of a Glasgow Derby; there’s always some half-witted ned ready to cause trouble. And we all know who that half-witted ned is, don’t we, Barry?
“Everyone, Anyone – get it right up the fuckin’ loat-y yez!”
There’s another element of the hubris evident at Ibrox that often goes unremarked. Neo-Gers players, ex-Neo-Gers players and ex-Rangers players are constantly in the media, telling us what they’re going to do: how they’re going to beat such-and-such a team, win everything going etc. etc. If anyone from another team, however, makes the claim that they’re going to beat Neo-Gers, they’re immediately accused of ‘disrespect’. A prime example is Erik Sviatchenko, who thought his team, Midgieland, would do well against Neo-Gers. When Neo-Gers won, Steven Gerrard made a sign to Sviatchenko that he should keep his mouth shut. All very well, according to the agnivores, since Sviatchenko had been ‘disrespectful’. Now, imagine Neil Lennon was to make such a gesture at Ibrox. As the Buckfast bottle bounced off his nut, the agnivores would be shouting copy down the phone about how he ‘brings it on himself’ before the bottle hit the ground. ‘Respect’ in Scotland is a one-way street.
“We demand thit every cunt gie’s iz the respect wae deserve!”
With all the furore over a stand being closed at Ibrox, the denizens of the Blue Room, and Jabba, of course, have decided that it’s a good time to release some bad news. As you might expect, though, the truth is too much for Jabba to release to the media, so a bit of spin has been applied. Steven Gerrard has been in the papers, saying how he expects, and dreads, offers coming in for Morelos and Tavernier before the end of the transfer window. He states that Neo-Gers ‘might’ not be able to turn the offers down and he wouldn’t have enough time to find replacements. Gerrard seems to be, eventually, learning the PR ways of Level 5. It’s pretty obvious that we’re not being told the whole story.
What this shite that Gerrard is spouting is really about is that Neo-Gers are still desperate to sell El Guffalo, and anybody else for that matter. The money’s needed to meet the upcoming bill from Sports Direct, as well as other payments that we’re all anticipating; for example, having to square things with Hummel and Mike Baldwin. Gerrard has been told that he won’t be seeing anything of any incoming funds. They can’t tell The Peeppul, though. The beauty of spinning things this way is that when, inevitably, El Guffalo fails to sell, then the stupid Huns can be told how great it is that they’ve ‘managed to hold onto him’. Honest Dave, however, will then need to find the money elsewhere.
Whenever Hector mentions anything about what JJ’s up to, I have a look myself. His blog of a few days ago was a huge moaning session about folk plagiarising him, cunts not giving him money and the inconvenience of having to moderate comments. I can’t imagine he’ll get too many of those nowadays; everybody knows that he won’t use any unless you’ve handed over your hard-earned. Either that, or he makes up the comments as well as inventing the commenters. He suggests that anyone that wants to make comments should go to another blog; maybe one that’s ‘selling books’. (Surely he doesn’t mean me!) If he’s so concerned about moderating comments, then maybe he shouldn’t churn out blogs every day. This would have the added effect of making his blog not so fucking boring, with the same stuff being said over and over again.
It takes a while to write these blogs, especially when you sleep as much as I do, so all of the above was written on Saturday. Now that it’s Sunday, there’s no moving away from the subject that’s obviously going to overshadow the whole season ahead. Gordon Waddell seems to be talking sense in his Sunday Mail column but, yet again, Celtic are dragged into it. He says,
“Likewise Celtic with the IRA and calling opposition managers Orange b******s.”
The only ones that are ‘offended’ by IRA songs and chants, or what they claim are IRA songs and chants, are The Peeppul. But, then, they’d complain if anyone sang Christmas in Killarney, so deep is their hatred of all things Irish. As for calling opposition managers ‘Orange bastards’, that only happens when they have an association with Rangers or Neo-Gers. The fact that none of them have ever condemned The Peeppul’s songbook proves that they are, indeed, Orange bastards.
Waddell’s argument in favour of Strict Liability also seems reasonable, except when you remember that the SFA would be in charge. Time and again the SFA have proven that they’re far from being impartial and they simply can’t be trusted. What makes anybody think that their application of Strict Liability would be any different? Even a couple of bars of Grace or The Fields of Athenry would get stands closed at Celtic Park. Those songs are all about terrorists, you know!
Meanwhile, the big problem that Neo-Gers has (only when they’re playing in UEFA competitions, mind) is that if all references to Catholics, Ireland and Celtic are removed, then they’d have nothing left to sing. And since The Peeppul can’t control themselves, Ibrox on European nights is going to be a fucking ghost town; until they’re kicked out completely, that is.
“Kin wae stull sing aboot peados?”
Bathgate is a place I’ve never been to, but, if it’s anything like other places in West Lothian that I’ve been in, I think I’ll go to my grave quite happily having never visited it. Amazingly, there was stuff in the papers about how Bathgate was the most sexually adventurous town in Scotland. The way they worked it out, though, was through sales of sex clothing (which, I assume is kid-on nurses’ uniforms and the like and not rubber gimp costumes) and sex toys. I would imagine, however, that if you went to Bathgate, folk are actually wearing this stuff out on the street, imagining it to be the latest fashion. Meanwhile, all those vibrators can be seen in school playgrounds, as kids play Star Wars with the light sabres they got for Christmas. Well, they make a nice sound as they wave them about.
I very rarely look at my AOL e-mail account these days, but had to the other day when I was ordering Der Fuhrer a new phone. I noticed that the Spam folder had quite a lot in it, so decided to have a look. And there it was – somebody claiming to have taken over my computer. Just to prove that he (or she) was telling the truth, he told me what my password is. Unfortunately, it’s a password that I haven’t used for about 16 or 17 years, ironically enough because I didn’t think it was very secure. Anyway, he claimed to have a video of me ‘pleasuring myself’ and, if I didn’t pay $1,000 to the linked account, he’d send it to all my contacts. Scary, eh?
The big problem the blackmailer has is that, even if he were speaking the truth, the only pleasure I get these days is sleeping. The deadline for paying up was the 31st of July, so if anybody gets a video of me snoozing, you’ll know what it’s all about. Perhaps he could send it to JJ; it might liven up his blog a bit.
My daughter only noticed yesterday that I’ve got a small bald patch on the crown of my head. She was shocked and, apparently, disgusted. She doesn’t seem to realise that we’re all knocking on a bit and that there’s only about twenty months left until I get my bus pass. Christ, I’m no longer a Celtic Da – I’m a Celtic Granda!
I’m assuming, of course, that I’ll get my bus pass in two years but if we don’t get independence soon, then I’ve no chance. The Daily Record had a story that seems to be a bit of cheerleading for the Tories’ plans to make everybody work until they drop. It was about an old cunt of 90 that’s still working at the Tunnock’s factory. I say ‘working’, but he doesn’t actually seem to do anything. His job has been obsolete for years, so he just pisses about, making models that, unfortunately, look pretty shite to me. We all know what a Tory bastard auld Boyd Tunnock is (Never trust any cunt with a surname for a first name) so the story is obviously a bit of propaganda. Mind you, I think everybody would be happy enough to keep their job beyond retirement age if that job involved doing absolutely fuck all!
Finally, I can’t believe all the expensive trailers on Channel 4, trying to build up excitement for the Great British Bake Off. That’s a programme where folk make cakes. I fucking despair, I really do.
“Awright, troops? Evrybdy kin see thit Raynjurz ur bein’ singled oot fur special treatment an’ it’s pretty obvious why. It’s they fuckers in charge-y the EU thit’re behind it aw. They’ve goat it in fur Britain cos wae voted tae leave thur Nazi Union. An’, since Raynjurz ur the quintessential British team, it stan’s tae reason thit thull take it oot oan us. An’ it disnae help thit maist-y they cunts in Europe ur Feenyins!”
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