Cast your mind back to March of this year and Scott Brown celebrating Celtic’s victory over Neo-Gers at Celtic Park. The Peeppul were desperate to get their hands on him and nearly killed their own disabled supporters in the process. Of course, they blamed Brown and so, predictably, did the agnivores. Incredibly, Brown was called before a disciplinary committee to answer for his ‘crime’. A different story now, eh?

El Guffalo scored at Tynecastle and immediately ran toward the Hearts fans. Of course, they weren’t too happy about it and it looked like one old geezer shouted something racist. I’m no expert lip reader, but it certainly looks as if El Guffalo was called a ‘black bastard’. I wouldn’t swear to it in court, though. It might well have been ‘fat bastard’, which, as well as not being racist, happens to be true. Besides, Morelos himself wouldn’t have been shocked or insulted; the cunt still can’t speak fucking English!

Imagine if Ryotaro Meshino had run up to the Huns and one of them had racially abused him. We wouldn’t be reading about the abuse, but how Meshino had nearly caused a riot. Will El Guffalo be called before the beak? I doubt it.


Did you see Pat Nevin on Sunday Morning Live, going on about wanting racism stamped out in football? This is the man that supposedly stopped going to Celtic matches because somebody shouted, “IRA.” He’s gone on about this for years, but never seems to notice the anti-Irish bile coming from The Peeppul. Mind you, he looked a bit uncomfortable on the programme. I’m guessing he’d rather have been over at Channel 4, on Sunday Brunch. At least they’d have given him some soup.

I see the victim of that deranged stalker, Maggie Paton, has written a book about her experience. She’s changed the names so things won’t be too obvious. Maggie becomes Megan, while Steve has become Stuart. God, you’d never be able to tell who it’s about, would you? The foreword has been written by Andy Goram, who, it seems, is shocked and horrified by tales of people being stalked. Well, unless they’re being stalked by some Loyalist gunman, that is!

“Jist yous fuckin’ wait tae ma book comes oot. Chris Jack’s writin’ it iz wae speak!”

It wasn’t too long ago that The Peeppul were predicting that Celtic supporters would be turning on their players. What a difference one game makes. They’re all on the DR Hotline raging about the Neo-Gers players. You wouldn’t think that their team is only one goal behind Celtic. The agnivores as well are all doom and gloom. What the hell are they expecting – ten points ahead or something at this time of year?

“What the fuck ur yez moanin’ it me fur? Ah’m jist here tae take penalties. It’s no’ ma fawt the referee didnae gie iz any!”

Meanwhile, I was impressed with Jeremie Frimpong in the Celtic game. He’s got some skills and he reminded me of Jimmy Johnstone the way he was able to send players the wrong way and the like. He’s only eighteen as well!

I notice the Daily Record is slipping a bit when it comes to explanatory pictures. They’ve got a story-cum-advert for a massive ten-pun bar of Toblerone, which they say is heavier than a new-born baby. They have a few pictures of the diabetic coma inducing bar of chocolate but none of a new-born baby! How are we supposed to know what a new-born baby is if they don’t have their usual picture? Are there no editors left at this rag?

“Christ, Ah shot ma load when Ah seen the size-y that hing!”

What the hell’s that all about with Always removing the female symbol from its sanitary products? Apparently, it was all down to letters from folk, including one Ben Saunders, who wanted them removed. What? Is he going to use them? Another character said, “There are non-binary and trans folks who still need to use your products too you know!” What, in the name of fuck, are these clowns on about? They really are their own worst enemies and I’m expecting a backlash sometime soon.

“Well, Ah’ll bae needin’ thum if Ah see any mair pictures-y thon Toblerone!”

Meantime, the search for funds goes on:

“Ah happen tae be the long-lost son of Harry Hood. An’ Ah’m that Babestation model an’ aw!”

About that Watt Brothers store, I can’t believe I’ve never heard of it – I must have walked past it hundreds of times. The thing is, I remember loads of shops that disappeared long ago: Graham and Morton, Cantor’s, Goldberg’s, Agnew’s, to name but a few. The reason is that I remember the adverts on the telly. Watt Brothers obviously just relied on word-of-mouth. Didn’t work very well, did it?

“Awright, troops? What the fuck wiz that aw aboot oan Sunday? Imagine gettin’ bet wi’ a fuckin’ shite team like that! Stull, Sellick ur only tap cozzy alphabetical order. That disnae make any sense tae me – surely ‘R’ comes before ‘S’? Anywye, aboot they fanny pads; Ah buy theym aw the time. When ye’ve goat a huge arse like mine, ye need wan doon the back-y yer drawers tae save thum gettin skid marks. It means ye only need tae chynge yer drawers wance a fortnight. An’ they wings ur brullyint it stoappin’ the hings slidin’ aboot!”

If you’d care to read some books that show no discernible literary ability, you can find details here:


Billy’s magnum opus is here:


Remember, if you’re skint for any reason, just drop me an e-mail at andrsptr@outlook.com and I’ll send you Kindle copies of any of my books for free.
I don’t need any big explanations or justifications – just ask!

And a small favour. Could you let me know what book or books you want? I don’t mind if you want the lot, but knowing makes things easier for me.

25 thoughts on “¿CABRÓN NEGRO O GORDO?

  1. Lot of great observations, but you don’t need to constantly f and c your way through it detracts from an otherwise insightful and excellent article ,we are better than that


    1. Presumably they’re talking about the needs of women who ‘identify’ as male (whatever the fuck that means). In reality though the trans lobby seems to consist of ‘women’ with nobs, beards and a dress. They all sound as if they’re deranged but for some reason have managed to persuade the SNP leadership to adopt their cause. Ask Sturgeon to attend an Indy rally and she’ll send her regrets, ask her to attend an LGBT event and she can’t get her rainbow flag out quick enough. It was the same circle who persuaded her to throw Salmond under the bus on the strength of some pretty dodgy allegations. She is a total washout as a leader when it comes to pursuing independence.

      By the way,Pat, Watt Bros isn’t really a ‘blokish’ shop (kitchenware, soft furnishings etc) so it probably hasn’t registered when you’ve passed it. Architecturally though it’s a lovely old building and it’s sad to see it fall into disuse. Can’t see anyone take it on as the rates on a building of that size must be prohibitive to most businesses.

      (Oh and Frank’s got a point – for fuck’s sake stop swearing you ignorant cunt!)

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Hang on, if they are female and identifying as a man then they really aren’t in for the cause as they should really be forgetting about women’s stuff, no?

        I read the article Pat mentioned and there was another person called ‘Melly Bloom’ as well as that Ben fella, they are on a crusade, and they’ll move onto something else next looking to be offended.

        I was thinking this morning as I was eating my toast and Marmite, and I’m not sure if its the same but on the jars its says ‘Vegan Friendly’ does that mean if you aren’t Vegan (Hector might want to get the laptop fired up), that you can email unilever and tell them to get rid of it as its not imperative to put it on the jars?

        Liked by 2 people

            1. Peanut butter marmite is excellent Robert, never thought it would be, but gave it a bash the other week. It’s like peanut butter made using dry roasted nuts…. fucking delicious..!!

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Fuckin Brullint as usual Pat.

    Long live f & c’ing. It’s integral tae the Gleswegian patois’s DNA.

    Whit a cringe inducing mental image of Billy’s nether parts and his personal hygene you’ve drawn.
    Reminds me of a really boakin experience I had in one of my first jobs.

    I was a insurance agent doing door to door collections in rhe days before Direct Debits.
    I worked in Govan and down Elderpark way. The usual practice was to call in this area on a Friday late afternoon , early evening, trying to get the workers from the local shipyards at home before they ajourned tae the local watering holes, of which their were many.
    I called at this tennement flat in Uist Street I think it was and this punter opened the door dressed only in a grimey grey auld fashioned one piece semmit & drawers.He recognized me, turned and shouted Agnes it’s the Man Frae the Pru. As he turned and walked away I caught this God almighty gust of shite ,like pure raw sewage, and saw running down the back of his undergarments, this wide patch of broon frae the middle of his back tae the bottom of his erse.

    Jaezus whit a sight. His wife came to the door with her payment book, She couldn’t look me in the eyes, obviously aware of what I had noticed. I took her money, signed her book and walked away. Not a word was spoken. For weeks after that I dreaded calling at them again in case he was in.
    I’ll never forget that image.


    Liked by 4 people

    1. You’ve just reminded me of an old friend years back in a pub who had a similar problem in his shorts! He looks like sandi toksvig, has the worst diet and stores Mcdonalds tomato ketchup in his glove box! We’re all sat in the pub garden, nice summers day, having a beer, he let one slip and sat on it and refused to move, we didn’t realise until we got the permanent waft, well he wouldn’t move even when it was his round, didn’t even crab walk to clear himself up, we went indoors and he just waited until dusk to go home.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. We ship thousands of fanny pads out every day, just pack them in any old way, even squash them up… What female is going to take them back to store saying the thing disnsae cover their rat?.. Anyway.. Irrespective of colour Morelos is a wee fanny..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think JJ has been using the microwave with the door open again if his blog on Brexit is anything to go by . Apparently the SNP are all lesbians and hate children , the Welsh are all busy burning holiday homes and England is over run with Poles . The solution is we are all doomed so move to a land down under . The Irish passport is no help as they are all subsidy junkies according to our forensic friend so load the boats we are all off to Australia . What a tit that man is . The planets must have been in a line last night as my timeline was full of frothing Tory yoons so the block button was pressed into service big time . It must be Brexit that is driving the tribes of Yoon demented which is a bit strange as it was this bunch of tossers that created the mess then negotiate a deal with Europe then vote against their own deal and round and round we go . Time to go Scotland .

    Liked by 2 people

      1. He is fruit loop mental at the moment going off on one in the comments section . He claims to have seen SNP women kicking and spitting at young conservatives all coordinated by Bute House . One even threatened to break his effing jaw . Firstly as he is supposed to be in exile abroad which country has a young conservative movement and pissed up SNP women . That sounds a lot like Scotland . Secondly as he claims to be a boxer and knows kung fu surely a threat from a lassie was no biggie . So he hates gays , lesbians , Polish people in particular and Easter Europeans in general as well as Scotland so it sounds like he is a Nazi as we suspected .

        Liked by 1 person

    1. What does Nicola have in common with Ruth Davidson and Kezia Dugdale? Self-serving, never attends Indy rallies, always attends Pride rallies, fucking useless leadership. Ask Alex Salmond about the man-hating coterie she’s surrounded herself with at Bute House. Maybe JJ isn’t as bat-shit crazy as he sounds.


  5. Excellent blog you’ve got going here Pat. I love how you rip the pish right out of the huns. I read John James’s blog and he comes across as someone who’s heads up his arse. He’s got to be a currant with some of the shite he spouts.


  6. JJ is wired to the fucking moon. A complete Walter Mitty, kidding on he lives in exile in fear of his life cos he wrote some shite or other about the huns and their hangers -on.! The cunt was caught out the other week claiming he was in court in London for the SD/ Sevco latest. A feat and a half for a self confessed potless cunt hiding out in some flea ridden bedsit/ tin shack in the far East. I canny believe any cunt with even a single functioning brain cell sends him cash….wonder if any of his “subscribers” have received “the book” yet.?


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