THE REAL DEAL

Neil Lennon has been compared to Donald Trump, trying to cling on when his time is obviously over. I believe I’ve even said it myself. There’s one major difference, however, between the two men. Trump has been whining and stamping his feet, yelling about being cheated when there’s absolutely no evidence to back him up. Celtic, on the other hand, have been cheated all season, either directly or indirectly with Neo-Gers being helped. Lennon, and the rest of the ones in charge at Celtic, though, have said nothing. That doesn’t mean it’s not been happening. As the old saying goes, Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

There’s been proof positive in the past few days, with El Guffalo’s forearm smash on Saturday only getting a yellow card. Yes, he’s received a retrospective ban but the fact remains that Dundee Utd. should have been playing against ten men. And then we have Wednesday’s game in Paisley. Arch Hun, Andrew Dallas, should have been officiating but was injured and was replaced by David Dickinson, a huge step up for somebody that usually referees the lower leagues. Unfortunately, this character didn’t read the script, giving St. Mirren a penalty and booking Kent for diving instead of pointing to the spot, as Dallas would have done. Quite a few Huns are moaning about the referee over on FollowFollow, showing that they know how much they missed Dallas’s influence.

“Well, that’s ma application fur the Ludge fucked!”

“An’ what aboot me, eh? Ah goat telt before the game startit thit Ah could foul any cunt Ah waanted an’ nuhin’ wid happen!”

Marco Negri was in the Daily Record, puzzling over why none of the top Italian clubs haven’t ‘snapped up’ any of the Neo-Gers ‘superstars’. That’s easy. They’re shite. They’ve been relying on Scottish officials to win domestic games, have progressed in Europe against teams choked with Covid, got lucky with referees in Europe and looked good against Celtic because the latter weren’t playing well at all. Surely even Negri can see that, with an impartial referee in Scotland, they’re a pretty poor team.

Meanwhile, Stewart Robertson has been moaning about the governance of the game in Scotland. He’ll have even more to greet about now! No doubt he’ll be demanding an investigation into David Dickinson’s qualifications to referee a Neo-Gers game. The Peeppul will already be on the case, looking into what school the guy went to. I wouldn’t be surprised if the SFA decides that Dickinson shouldn’t have been in charge of a match between two Premiership teams and declares the match null and void. (Two of Neo-Gers’ favourite words back in March and April.) Dallas will referee the replay, in which Neo-Gers get three penalties. And they’ll still moan about match officials and the governance of the game!

Meanwhile, the anti-SNP rhetoric is being ramped up ahead of next year’s Scottish Parliament elections. They’re moaning that the NHS Louisa Jordan facility at the SECC hasn’t been used, despite the money spent on it. Isn’t the same true for the Florence Nightingale temporary hospitals in England? Fucking hypocrites the lot of them. Oh, and poor, old Chas and his leathery companion, Camilla, cancelled their plans for a tour of Scotland because Nicola Sturgeon wasn’t ‘welcoming’. As far as I’m concerned, keeping these parasites away from normal people is a good reason for voting SNP!

Away and haunt some cunt else!

Have you seen the advert telling us all how to conduct our Christmas get-togethers? We’re supposed to wear masks and have all the windows open to allow fresh air to circulate. Fresh? It’ll be fucking freezing. And weathermen are predicting a white Christmas, so there’ll be six inches of snow on the dining table. The food will be cold in no time and everyone will be sitting around in coats and scarves while trying to manoeuvre food under their masks and into their mouths with gloved hands. Never mind dying of Covid, we’ll all fucking freeze to death!

“Mammy! Granda’s pished ayssel’ again!”

“It’s no’ ma fuckin’ fault! It’s freezin’ in here!”

I was reading the other day about a pet shop being broken into and some exotic pets being stolen. 15 tortoises, three geckos and two orchid mantises were purloined. Apparently, the beasts were intended for children’s Christmas presents. I reckon the thieves have done the poor brutes a massive favour. Just imagine those animals on Christmas Day, being poked, prodded, picked up and dropped by some spoilt little bastards. Then again, the pet shop was in Motherwell so that was probably somebody’s Christmas dinner!

“Jist you try an’ eat me, ya ugly fuckers!”

On the home front, when we moved into this house, there was an old, fluorescent strip-light in the kitchen. The tube conked out months ago and Der Fuhrer decided not to get another as she wanted a new light fitting up there. She put a table lamp in the kitchen and at night I had to guddle about in the dark, trying to find the bloody switch. She’s in no hurry to get a new light, so I finally persuaded her to get a new fluorescent tube. When I went to change the tube the whole light fitting started to crumble away in my hands, like something from a mummy’s tomb, exposed to the air for the first time in millennia. It was probably fitted by the Council about sixty years ago! After a brief argument, Der Fuhrer agreed to phone the council to get a new light fitting. They came almost immediately and fitted a brand-new, LED strip light, which Der Fuhrer is perfectly happy with. So all those months of groping about in the fucking dark were for nothing; we could have had a new light ages ago. I’ll need to put my foot down more often!

“Awright, troops? That referee wiz a fuckin’ disgrace. They St. Mirren thugs (ye couldnae call thum players) booted fuck oot the Raynjurz players wi’ impurity. Thur’s nae fuckin’ wye that wiz a penalty – the guy dived an’ then Ryan Kent goat booked fur divin’ when ay wiz clearly broat doon. The sooner wae hiv VAR in Scotland the better. They Feenyin referees ur daein’ everyhin’ they kin tae stoap Raynjurz winnin’ anyhin’ this year, Ah bet thul try an’ get theym back it the toap-y the table an’ then abandon the league, the wye they done last year. The sooner wur oot-y this bigoted backwater an’ intae the English leagues the better!”

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22 thoughts on “THE REAL DEAL

  1. I hope wee andy gets a big prezzie from santa.
    One he and his father can enjoy in the bubble they created.
    I hope that wee Andy enjoyed his time and understands that the peeple will never forget you stumbled away.

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  2. They’ve been cheating for as long as I can remember. Nothing has, or indeed will change. We even have the Celtic board complicit. Just look at the 5 way agreement, which Peter Lawell claims he’s never seen (aye right). That’s before we start talking about Resolution 12 or 11 as it’s known now.

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  3. Would be the ultimate irony if Dallas Jnr’s abscence the other night started the slide like last year. They’d also be fecked if Tavenier was bought by Kashmiri united for a large Boonah + Chips, and they lost the penalty taker extraordinaire.
    We’re lucky as…. that the Louisa Jordan wasn’t needed, and any tit that thinks it shouldn’t have been made should feck off and try Covid themselves, they should also go and live with the Arch Tit, Rees In Smog, so that they can sneer together at the poor people.
    My wish for Sunday:
    a good game, 6-0 to the Hoops, the ex Huns greetin’ like f**k, Naismith crippled by Broonie, and Craig Levein moaning for the next week.
    C’mon the Hoops!

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  4. Afternoon Patrice, Bhoys and Ghirls.
    Well Pat Bhoy, you seem to lurge Fae wan martial crisis tae another mate.
    “Lightgate” I was there myself buddy just last night. My other half has sneeked through under cover of darkness, past the M8 border Gestapo for a couple of days Fae Auld Reekie. No seen her for eight weeks and first thing she chinned me on wis “That bulbs oot! And that bulbs oot! And jeesus that bulbs oot!” She sent me rooned Tae wee Ali’s for three fucking bulbs before I got the chance Tae say hello. Compliance Patrice, anything for peace eh mate, but tae be fair to Der Führer, she’s no been on yer case since Fray Bentos gate😂😉💚👍.
    Well that’s the Huns bubble burst, well hopefully the start of some form of compitulation. The Dallas injury clearly scuppered Slippy arse’s gameplay of “Get in the box and fall” Prick!! Anyway I hope Motherwell take note and their manager goes Tae thum “This mob are Fucking pish! If St Mirren can take three aff them anycunt can! So stop gieing the bastards too much respect and get fucked intae thum cause there a shower of fucking shite bag bastards!!” Or words to that effect but him being fae “Nineiron” I cannae see it myself 🙄.
    Big game the morra. Was going to watch it in my mates which could lead to a five day bender, or just have a couple of beers here myself and watch it, which could lead to a five day bender. Been off the Don Revie since the Huns game, so I don’t know. She goes back over the border Tae our fine capital tomorrow so sobriety or the sauce!, It’s a tough call🙄. In Edinburgh they call going for a Don Revie going for a “Peeve” which just dawned on me is Russian for beer. I’m learning Russian and it’s coming on just fine, great friends in Moscow and going back soon. I wonder if they picked up “Peeve” from the Russian sailors who would dock in Leith and exchange vodka for beer🤔🤔.
    Anyway, enough of that pish. Anybody seen the so called vigilante walking about Govanhill thinking he’s fucking Rodger Cook? It appears he’s a racist, Laxley-Lennon wannabe. Fucking slumlord by all accounts. Probably a fucking Hun into the bargain. I watched one of videos and thought “Fucking racist bullshitter!” The Jewish community copped it in Govanhill many moons ago, then the Irish. The Pakistani community followed, great people, and got the same pish. Now it’s the turn of the Roma community. He was saying there was Chechen warlords running the show over there! 😂😂. Listen ya stupid fucking prick! If there were Chechen gangsters, Roma pimps or fucking Zulu warriors over there running day to day child trafficking and fuck knows what else! They would hardly let a wanker like you stoat aboot their manor filming everything and growling at all and sundry ya fucking tit!! And the vast majority of cunts who are having him as RoboCop are fucking Huns. Shock Horror! Anyway. Enough of that fucking bellend.
    Wee Barry Bawbag was ranting on his column in the Daily Rectum. Imagine giving that cunt a gig in a nation paper. Fucking says it aw aboot this country. All he does is fucking swear, his language is appalling, mooth washed oot way soap and water the cunt!, Prick!!. Is yer dug still shitting like a Bear Pat? My cat’s the same. Wee cunt never uses his litter box. Neighbours gairding cops it. But he dropped his bag the other night and the fucking size of it😲. I thought the wee man was gonnae ask me for a shovel Tae buriey it.. I wonder if it’s Covid affecting animals or something. He’s eating like fuck tae, I’ve had to cut his scran intake Doon a bit…
    Well troops. Catch you fine folk tomorrow. Enjoy yer Saturday. Need to get a coupan oan🍀🍀💚👍

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  5. Good morning campers. I trust no one got hurt in the stampede as Southeast England emptied to try to beat the Christmas lockdown. The new strain of Covid has been around since September so the handling of the mess over Christmas has been chaotic. The border with England is supposed to be closed to all non essential travel unless you are a member of the Royal family or a Tory wanker needing an eye test so we should be safe. Meanwhile over on the History channel also known as Phil’s site he has a post about something his sources haven’t told him which puts a new spin on investigative journalism. At least a global pandemic has not managed to stop the delivery of his 2021 NUJ card as he has posted a picture of it again. Not sure why he has to keep posting pictures of his card other than he is worried no one believes he is a journalist given the utter pish he often churns out. Cup final today and it feels a bit flat with no crowds to give any atmosphere but fingers crossed the boys get it done despite whatever team our manager puts on the pitch. Stay safe everyone.

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  6. Dóóbraye Oótra Patrice, Bhoys and Ghirls 🍀.
    Cup final day is upon us. It feels mental it’s usually scorching hot, sleeveless hoops top on, rolls and sausage devoured, ticket in pocket and striding purposely towards the boozer! But at least we’re here now.. A tad nervous, what with Le Petite Huns been afforded the same preferential treatment as Le Grande Huns no doubt from the match officials, it makes for a nervy afternoon…
    The good lady is all packed and ready to be shipped, well trained back to Auld Reekie, she’s playing Sunshine on Leith on Alexa for some reason 🙄. A quick walk to Shettelston train station then over to the offie to procure a wee half bottle of tonic wine for strictly medicinal purposes as it’s fucking freezing and on wee go. Come on the Hoops!🍀🍀.
    That’s the festive gig fucked for most folk, except for viewers in Scotland, well you only here about it on the news if it happens in “Engurlund” Bawsacks!
    As Hector said, the rules are different for Tory Bastards and Royalty. Thank fuck Auld Jug Lugs and his decrepit side kick, Clamidia Parker Bowel Movement are no coming up I’m fucking depressed enough without they two privileged useless cunts rubbing were fucking noses right in it! Cunts!!
    Phil has a new NUJ badge. Cheers for the heids up Hector Bhoy 👍🍀. I’m now prepared when I have a Swatch later.
    Did anybody see the news aboot the mad American cunt that sued his Ma and Da!. I was in fucking fits man😂😂. He was moving oot he’s Maws hoose, 42 the cunt is right so total fucking sad case! He leaves behind his Pornography collection, I assume, Tae come and get later. However, his auld dear has thrown it oot. The lot! Her and the auld boy papped oot he’s full stash of Willie Thorne worth, get a load a this. £25.000. 😲😲. 25 Jimmy Shands worth of Willie Thorne thrown tae fuck😂😂. He tain them to court and won! How fucking mad is that🤣🤣. The judge described the mad Bastard as an avid “Porn Enthusiast” No shit your honour. He had VHS tapes, DVDS, Magazines and. This is the bit I was on the fucking flair gaspping for breath. “Very rare paraphernalia” 😂😂
    How perved is that boy??. That’s some fucking stash of Jason Bourne man. I bet ye he was the most popular cunt at high school 😂. There was nothing illegal, weans or any that fucking nonsense so fair play Tae the boy..
    Here’s to a good victory today Droogas! Have a good yin peeps. Intae these cunts!!!🍀👍💚

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    1. Me Roberto!.
      I was a fucking wreck mate, my nerves were shot Tae fuck! The commentary of Dodds and that other cunt didnae help.
      Fucking hell Robert, I’ve never been so glad to get a job done pal.😱😱

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  7. I had a horrible feeling Craig Gordon was going to come back to haunt us when it went to penalties and glad I was wrong. Congratulations Celtic enjoy your night and fair play to the low fat Huns for making a game of it. Celtic now need to get serious and sort out this mess as all is not well. I may go for a wander through Mordor later to see how the orcs are taking the news.

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    1. I had that feeling tae Hectorino, but we got there pal. It papers over cracks though, I hate saying it!, But we’re a fucking shambles at the back Bhoys and Ghirls 🍀

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  8. Great first half, then went to pieces defensively in second. We should refuse to take a 2-0 lead as we keep flinging the game away. Some good goals and some great penalties. The goalie redeemed himself at the end and fair play to the young man, but he is not the answer just yet to the goal keeping malaise.
    Hearts were what Hearts are: a bunch of one dimensional hammer throwers, with a needling little baldy barsteward ex hun Naismith. How he stayed on the pitch is only due to the Mason In Black.
    Also noted that other Hun, Hallitosis the pseudo hard man, coming up the tunnel to shake the ref before the game as though they were firm friends, only person to do it, and was probably conveying a message from the Grand Wizard at the Ludge.
    Thank feck that’s over, here’s hoping we get better.

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  9. Nice to see the diet huns taking defeat with all their usual good grace. At least with no fans in the ground the toilets were spared a beating. The new mutant ninja virus has put the cat amongst the pigeons with a lot of Europe banning flights from the UK and France closing the border for at least 48 hours. A lot of high end shellfish from this neck of the woods is on route and will be wasted as the vivier trucks can only keep it alive for so long and with boats due to land more this morning this is a right royal clusterfuck. Still there may be some cheap shellfish doing the rounds for Christmas. Out here we are at one end of a very long supply chain so I will be off down the Spar to panic buy loo roll when the shop opens. Boris is holding a Cobra meeting this morning so I am sure he will sort it all out as he has done in the past. A lot of people have returned to the island for Christmas so a lot of households are self isolating and what is normally a very social time of the year is going to be a bit strange. I cut up a few red deer and did my Christmas venison run the other weekend and in a normal year I would have made it home well fed and watered but not this year. Still for a week after bottles and cans of booze kept turning up on my doorstep or appearing in the van when I parked so at least the meat was appreciated. Stay safe everyone.

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  10. McCann’s the Tit’s Tit, the Fud’s Fud, and any other two words like F-Wit you would care to use. Saw Naismith bundle the big goalie into the net before their goal, stamp on Brown, and foul all day long, yet McCann sees nothing.
    If you haven’t seen the Celtic “Unique angle” vid, go find it, it’s well worth the effort.

    Boris was on at 5pm. Highlights: “Wiffle waffle”, mess up hair and look like Worzel Gummage, “Macron piffle paffle”, “everything will be shiny for Xmas”

    Fuck off Boris and take McCann with you.

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  11. Evening all. I did one of those stupid things on the interweb to find out my Jedi name . You take the last medication you have taken and the nickname of your pet so I am Ibuprofen Bastard Devildog which is cool though I suspect Pat is about to beat it.

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  12. Christmas is almost here and it is going to be a strange one. My neighbour on one side will not be joined by his partner and the old lady on the other side is single so we will probably do a joint meal or something but as one is a veggie it will probably mean each bringing their own food. If the weather is good we may even have a bonfire. Christmas has never been a big thing since childhood in this house and I used to do the Christmas shift in the hatchery when fish farming as the guys I worked with had young families. I hope you all have a great Christmas and if you do know anyone on their own an act of kindness goes a long way at this time of year. Social media does my head in at times. Twitter full of prats moaning they have ordered a large turkey and now that some guests cant make it they don’t know what to do. For fucks sake eat the bloody thing then make a curry and a pot of soup with the left overs or better still if you know anyone on their own plate up a meal and drop it round to them. It is not rocket science a bit like that wonderful new invention the freezer. I am sure Pat will be able to sneak any left overs to the hound if required. Take care all of you.

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  13. Well that’s my supposed well thought out plans done for, ill be going on a rescue mission this morning to retrieve my trail cameras, there’s a good chance 3 of the 4 will be submerged under water! I was hoping to leave them until Sunday but we have received quite a bit of rain overnight and looks like more is incoming! We had a bit of flooding a couple of weeks back after the unexpected snow so any amount of rain will just run straight off into the river! The Kingfishers and otters will have to wait!

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