I don’t know if you’ve read my book, The Crimes of Miss Jane Goldie, but the eponymous character, a headteacher of a primary school tries every trick she can think of to hold onto her job. At one point she decides that getting rid of a whole family of thick children will raise the average test score of the school. To get rid of them, she makes it plain that if anyone bullies one of those children, nothing will happen to them. I was reminded of this when I was reading all the shite about Kyogo Furuhashi. Players in every Scottish team have quickly learned that they can knock him about all over the place with impunity. The current noises about him being a diver and a cheat only serve to make things worse. They’ve effectively declared open season on him and it can only be a matter of time before he’s seriously injured.
Huns have been posting videos purporting to show Kyogo going down with minimal contact, like this one here:
If you actually look closely at the two incidents, you’ll see that there wasn’t ‘minimal contact’ at all. In the first one, Kyogo raises his hand slightly and gets ready to make a run. The opposition player makes a grab for him and it looks as if he’s twisted Kyogo’s ear. Kyogo being pulled forward is being portrayed as him trying to head-butt the guy’s chest. The second incident has everybody claiming that he’s thrown himself backwards after being slapped on the back of the head. Shouldn’t that have sent him forwards? is the cry. Yes, it should have. And it did. Straight into the goalie’s fist. The other two the Huns love to highlight are included in this video (along with the two above.)
In the one against Aberdeen, you can clearly see Kyogo being hit on the face. The other shows a Hearts player nipping Kyogo on the stomach, like some wee boy at nursery. At the end of the match, on the way up the tunnel, Kyogo shows the huge mark left by the Hearts’ thug’s fingers. It’s clear that Kyogo is getting, and will continue to get, no protection at all and the outcry about him being a ‘cheat’ is just a smokescreen to encourage all these fucking hammer throwers to assault him even more. God help him on the 2nd of January when he’s up against Team Evil!
Meanwhile, the real cheats of Scottish football were playing the other night and the powers-that-be in France changed their minds again and The Peeppul were allowed in to watch their team. I’m sure the good citizens of Lyon will be forever grateful. In what sounds like a boring match, Neo-Gers managed to get a 1-1 draw against a Lyon team whose priority was to avoid injury against Wee Bonky’s thugs. One thing puzzles me. Both goals came courtesy of deflections, but Scott Wright is named as the scorer for Neo-Gers, while Lyon’s goal is put down as an own goal. Anything to make Neo-Gers look good, eh? So, Celtic end up with more points than Neo-Gers but the Huns are the ones that are through! Does anybody else think that UEFA deliberately puts Neo-Gers into the easiest group every year so that The Peeppul won’t rampage through Europe when their team constantly gets beaten?
It’s awright, Bonky, Ah’m only kiddin’! Yer daein’ a great joab. Ah mean, five games unbeaten, thur’s no’ minny’ll beat that record!
While Allegra Whatsit was crying her eyes out (not very allegra then, was she?) and everyone was focusing on last year’s Christmas parties, Priti Patel pushed through her Nationality and Borders Bill, which makes it possible for the Home Office to strip anyone of their UK citizenship if they have dual nationality or the possibility of dual nationality. That takes in a lot of people, including myself since I’m eligible to apply for Irish citizenship. There’s folk saying that if you don’t commit a crime, then you’ve nothing to worry about. The problem with that is they’re in the process of making everything illegal nowadays. I seem to recall that they’ve introduced something to make protesting illegal. And it won’t be long before being seen outdoors without a poppy in the month of November will be against the law. Still, if Scotland doesn’t get independence soon, that’s my fallback – go out and punch some cunt and get deported to the Emerald Isle.
It’s dawned on the Board of Deputies that Jews could be under threat from this legislation as well. I bet they wish they hadn’t sided with the Tories against Jeremy Corbyn now! Über Corbyn-baiter, Rachel Riley, looked none too happy on Countdown the other day when Alastair Campbell was in Dictionary Corner. He related a story about Robert Maxwell giving some unwanted advice to Nelson Mandela. Everybody laughed but her. In fact, she looked as if she might attack him there and then, calling him an anti-Semite. After all, Maxwell was Jewish and that’s all that counts in Riley’s wee world. I’m surprised she hasn’t been on Twitter defending his daughter and saying that the whole prosecution is anti-Semitic.
“Ah always knew that Mandela wan wiz a fuckin’ racist. It’s the same wi’ aw they lassies sayin’ hings aboot poor Ghislaine. Fuckin’ anti-Semites the lot-y thum!”
While we’re on the subject, I read that Juan Carlos cited a three-hundred-year-old treaty between Britain and Spain, under the terms of which neither country is allowed to do anything to damage the monarch of the other. The ex-king is trying to dodge out of some court case involving an old mistress that now lives in London. I’m sure Prince Andrew and his auld maw have been following this story closely.
“Ah’ll need tae bae gettin’ in touch wi’ big Danni Menzies tae see if shay kin find mae a hoose in Spain!”
The stories about Christmas parties at Number 10 might have been a squirrel, but they’ve brought the loonies crawling out again, convinced that they’ve been proven right. Neil Oliver was on Twitter, smugly saying how he and his fellow fuckwits were right all along and that he’s not wearing a mask for anybody. I think he’s one of those arseholes that have refused to be vaccinated as well. Meanwhile, other fuckwits are moaning about the possibility of lockdown happening again. “It’s been two years!” they moan. Maybe they’d like to google the flu pandemic at the end of WWI; that lasted a good bit more than a couple of years. What the fuck do they expect? It’s a good job these arseholes weren’t around decades ago, otherwise we’d all have polio and smallpox!
“Ah did go fur ma Covid jag, but the nurse said sumhin’ aboot a wee prick, so Ah telt ur tae shove ur jag an’ stormed oot!”
Another thing about Partygate is that the Comments sections in the Daily Record are full of cunts blaming Nicola Sturgeon for everything. It’s getting beyond a joke the way the Ali Babas all side with the Yoons. They all say they want independence, but it certainly doesn’t sound like it. The latest thing they’re all pouncing on is Dominic Cummings saying that the SNP stated privately that they’re in no hurry to get independence. This is the guy, remember, that drove 30 miles to make sure his eyesight hadn’t been affected by Covid. A proven fucking liar, but you just know the Ali Babas will be ready to take his word for things.
The best story of the past week has to be the one about using Viagra to treat dementia. All I could picture was old men walking about everywhere with perpetual stauners. They’ll need to go back to wearing the big coats they used to wear when I was wee, instead of the windcheaters they all favour these days. Still, on the plus side, they’ll always have somewhere to hang their bunnet!
“D’ye waant tae know what the worse hing is? Ah kin remember what a stauner is, but Ah’m fucked if Ah kin remember what ye dae wi’ it!”
Der Fuhrer came out with another cracker a couple of nights ago. We were watching The Chase when the question was asked during the cash builder, “What animal did Napoleon ride across the Alps?” Der Fuhrer shouts out, “A camel!” I was in stitches.
“An’ what the fuck’s wrang wi’ a camel gauin’ ower the Alps? Me an’ Boxy go tae Val d’Isère it least wance a year tae dae a bit-a skiin’!”
“Awright, troops? Ah don’t know what aw the fuss is aboot. So, Mr. Boris hud a party; diz ay no’ deserve wan? Ay’s a hard-workin’ man an’ ay hud Covid ayssel’. Surely ay deserved a wee break? An’ Ah hear aw the Taigs ur greetin’ aboot that wee cunt Koko ur whatever ays name is. Ay’s a cheatin’ wee basturt an’ they aw know it. Ay’s some kinna Chinee an’ aw, so ay probably eats dugs an’ bats an’ helped tae start thon Coronavirus!”
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