SIGNINGS AND WHININGS

While Warbs has disappeared into a monastery to offer up a Rosary Novena for the safe recovery of his players, it was left to Davie Weir to introduce Neo-Gers’ new signing to the press. Meanwhile, the whole Neo-Gers team is still in Victoria Infirmary’s intensive care unit. All of them have been described as being in a ‘critical’ condition and it’s touch-and-go whether they’ll all make it. The only plus point is that brain damage has been ruled out in all cases; most of them don’t have one.

And so, onto Neo-Gers’ marquee signing, well-known thug, Joey Barton. Oops! Sorry, forgot, he’s a ‘firebrand’. And now he’s being billed in the Record as an ‘ex-Marseille ace’. (Why is it everybody at Ibrox is an ‘ace’?) Apparently, he is a good player, although he’s rarely stayed on the pitch long enough to prove it. He also fancies himself as a bit of a philosopher in the Cantona mould, though he hasn’t made any cryptic comments about trawlers and seagulls yet.

Barton has, however, on numerous occasions, expressed sympathy with Irish Republicanism, support for the Palestinians and a deep antipathy for the Royal Family. This has led some folk to wonder how his signing for Neo-Gers will go down with The Peeppul. Wonder no more. To point to the truth of the matter, I give you two words: Maurice Johnston. Remember how, whenever he scored against Rangers, Johnston would run, as Jimmy Sanderson said, ‘his blond hair glinting in the autumn sunshine’, straight towards The Peeppul to make the sign of the cross. Danny McGrain wasn’t the only one to express distaste at these exhibitions. Johnston was later, when playing for Rangers, filmed singing The Sash with gusto. I imagine Barton will turn out to show the same lack of character.

Unbelievably, The Peeppul have started up petitions to get Hibs kicked out of Europe and, laughably, to get Nicola Sturgeon sacked! They really do think they’re a law unto themselves. In the same vein, the Vanguard Bears have set up a crowdfunder to pay the legal fees of any Hun that gets arrested and charged for his part in Saturday’s ‘guarding of old Hampden’s walls’. It just goes to show how demented and up their own arses these clowns are. So the guy that creepily grabbed that wee boy from behind and the other that kicked what looked like the same boy in the head when he was on the ground are to be hailed as martyrs to some kind of twisted cause. Strangely, the likes of Vanguard Bears usually bang on about the welfare of children. What’s changed?

As to Saturday’s events, it’s worth having a look at Wings Over Scotland for a reminder of how things played out. The actions of the police made me think back to 1979 and Sham 69’s (supposed) farewell concert at the Glasgow Apollo. Bear with me; this does make sense. The place was near enough sold out and we were stuck up in the upper balcony, where you could hardly see anything. Everybody started pogoing when the band came on and the whole balcony was bouncing up and down. (I later read somewhere that one Alistair McCoist was in attendance that night – no wonder the balcony couldn’t take it.) It was scary as hell, so we went to see if we could move down to the stalls. The bouncers at the Apollo were notorious for being utter bastards, so we were surprised when they said yes.

We saw folk being thrown out when we got to the foyer, for jumping on the seats (the Apollo was once a cinema and still had the seats in place) or doing stupid things like climbing up curtains and the like. Jimmy Pursey was meant to be leaving the band after the concert to join some Newco Sex Pistols with Paul Cook and Steve Jones. The latter two also came on stage that night and we were treated to some Pistols’ favourites as well as Sham anthems. It was a party atmosphere and the bouncers were quite happy to let us all jump about daft, as long as we didn’t get too daft and as long as we didn’t climb on the seats. They hung about at the back of the hall to make sure we all behaved. It was a great night.

I think the police at Hampden had the same idea; let the Hibs fans get it out of their systems and then go back to their seats, rather than have some kind of re-enactment of Peterloo. Their only mistake was that they should have lined up at the side to stop the supporters getting near The Peeppul. It’s noticeable that once the Huns were cleared from the pitch the Hibs fans gradually made their own way back to their seats. All the trouble was caused by The Peeppul and by the Neo-Gers players, who refused to get off the pitch. They’re the ones that should be banned from the Scottish Cup next year!

The media, meanwhile, as well as the SFA, have set a dangerous precedent in not condemning the excuses that Neo-Gers have made for the behaviour of their supporters. Essentially, it’s tantamount to accepting the assertion coming from Ibrox that ‘goading’ and ‘provocation’ are acceptable excuses for violence. Would everybody be prepared to accept these excuses if Huns were beaten up for singing about ‘Fenian bastards’ and telling folk to ‘go home’? Surely they’re not implying that only The Peeppul are allowed such an excuse?

And it’s a big welcome to Brendan Rodgers, the new manager of Celtic. You’ll forgive me, though, if I don’t get too excited. It doesn’t matter who our manager is or what top players we have on the pitch; until the endemic cheating in our game is sorted out, then it’s all a waste of time. The powers-that-be at Celtic Park have done a good job of diverting attention away from Resolution 12 and the Offshore Game report; hopefully, though, Auldheid and his crew haven’t been completely abandoned. Don’t get me wrong, Rodgers is a great signing and I’m as excited as the next man about the coming season. That excitement, however, is diminished slightly by the knowledge that a gang of cheating, underhand, sleekit Huns are still running football in Scotland. A level playing field is still the priority.

 

“Hello, playmates! It’s yer old pal, Big-Hearted Bill Struth here. Now, those disgraceful scenes we saw at Hampden would never have happened in my day. Those pesky Hibernian supporters would have been given a good beating by the police well before the match even started! Ayyyyyyyyythenkyaaaowww!”