A GUEST BLOG

It’s JJ here, taking a short break from the Sitonfence Speakeasy to blog to you on this far inferior site. Everybody wants a piece of JJ and this character Anderson thinks that having me on his site will increase his hits so that he can beg more people to buy his books, all of which were stolen from my site. I hate fucking scroungers! Anyway, he’s offered me £50 to do this so, being an obliging sort and a good friend to the indigent, here I am.

Did you know that there’s a new club in Scotland pretending to be Rangers? And did you know that our football authorities are allowing this to happen? You probably do since everybody’s been stealing from my blog and pretending that it’s their own work. If you’ve been reading this second-hand pap, then you haven’t been getting the benefit of my skills in forensic analysis. Only I know how to examine the flood of information coming our way and cut through, with my forensic scalpel, to get at the truth. Surely that’s worth some kind of payment?

And yet, I’ve got nothing but freeloaders on my website, complaining and having the utter gall to disagree with me. If you don’t have money, then you’re not entitled to have an opinion; that’s my motto. Yes, I know I’m struggling for cash at the moment but I wasn’t always. My skills were in constant demand and I’ve worked in the City and for MI5 and MI6. Now, though, I’m a wanted man because I’ve got the courage to speak out on my blog. I’m currently being hunted by the British security forces, the Sicilian, American and Russian Mafias, the Yakuza, the Triads, the UDA, the IRA, the CIA, the FBI, the MFI and the DFS. All of them want my head, which is why I’m in hiding in a bedsit in Pollokshaws.

Remember, I’m putting my life on the line for you so it’s only fair that you recompense me for giving you the truth. I’ll still publish free-to-air blogs for the unwaged and infirm but my premium content will be behind a paywall. All you have to do is set up a direct debit for £100 per month and you’ll have access to the truth about not only football, but missing weans, the moon being made of green cheese and how aliens have taken over Highland Council. Yes, you can get all this stuff for free on other websites, but you won’t get my massive, forensic mind explaining it to you.

If you’re willing to pay, then you’re going to get all the news about what’s happening in the world first-hand. It’s well-known that many so-called journalists constantly plagiarise my blogs, including John Pilger, Michael Moore, Louis Theroux etc. Many a Pulitzer Prizewinner should have been thanking me when picking up their award. It still rankles that Woodward and Bernstein stole my stuff about Watergate.

So remember, my site is the go-to place for information. It is read by monarchs, leading politicians, prelates and popes, so you’ll be joining good company. Just £200 per month lets you read all my premium content and even gives you the right to comment on our Speakeasy. If you’re poor, or sick or otherwise don’t have the wherewithal to pay for my content, then you can fuck right off you fucking freeloader!

 

11 thoughts on “A Guest Post”

The Minge

Once again a fantastic piece JJ. There’s nobody in the whole world like you and I’d marry you if you weren’t such a homophobe. My contacts tell me that everything you say is right. It’s just a pity that you’re being taken advantage of by all these plagiarists and freeloaders. Hopefully the paywall will take care of that.

Arselicker

JJ, I can’t believe that anybody could begrudge you being paid for your fantastic journalism. I’ve re-mortgaged my house and thrown my wife and kids out on the street. You should receive the £180,000 through Paypal in a couple of days.

JJ: Thanks. That should get me a couple of baklavas.

Angry

I’ve been giving £20 a month for the past three years and still haven’t received my password.

JJ: Fuck off! Do you honestly think that a mere £20 a month is enough to pay for my fantastic journalism? This is the last comment you’ll be allowed on here, freeloader.

Hunny McHun

How come you’ve got nothing to say about all the paedos at Sellick? You’re a fucking hypocrite and a Rangers hater.

JJ: Welcome, my friend. You can come on here and call me whatever you like, as long as you keep paying the £300 a month. Thank you.

Mark Dingwall

Why are you so obsessed about my sex life? You always talk about my sexual preferences in a derogatory fashion. Obviously you are nothing more than a homophobic bigot.

JJ: How dare you! I am no homophobe. Now fuck off, poofy!