DFS FC

There was something familiar about the Lazio fans’ statement on an Italian radio channel the other day.

“As history teaches us, the Lazio fan is always a sensation and is always an easy target for authority.
That is why on Thursday against Celtic they closed the doors of our house – the Curva Nord.
We will never bow our heads because Lazio are invincible.”

Christ, all it needs is a WATP at the end of it!

Speaking of the Huns, they’ll no doubt be cock-a-hoop at the news that Celtic are going to be punished for their ‘political’ display when they played Lazio at home. There were a few folk on Hun Media advocating complaining to UEFA and you can be damned sure that they did. They’ll do anything to deflect from the behaviour of that ‘tiny minority’!

It’s a weird business this not allowing politics to enter football, since UEFA themselves are all for stamping out racism. Of course, any normal people would see being against racism as not political but common sense and basic human decency. When you’ve got Fascists and Nazis in the game, though, then anti-racism, even if unintentionally, becomes political. So, Celtic are being penalised for demonstrating for the very thing that UEFA promotes. And if UEFA are simply worried about the reactions of the Lazio thugs, then their team should be thrown out the competition.

“Hey, bastardos! You want-a I come over-a there and slap-a-da-fuck out-a the lot-a you? And anybody mention-a Aerosmith and-a you get-a-da cunt kicked in!”

Speaking of racism, FIFA has apparently demanded that countries’ football associations start cracking down on it. I’ll believe it when I see it. Does anybody honestly believe that the likes of Italy will be banned from FIFA competitions if they don’t stamp out racism in their clubs? As for our own football association, I wouldn’t hold my breath. When it comes to the racist behaviour of The Peeppul, all they’re willing to do is call it sectarianism and blame Celtic for the same crime. And some folk expect them to implement FFP rules!

Resolution 12 has right on its side since the SFA and Rangers colluded to effectively defraud Scottish football. The problem is what can be done about it. It’s currently happening all over again, with Neo-Gers running a team on the never-never with nobody prepared to do anything about it. UEFA should be involved but they’re just as bad as the SFA, letting Neo-Gers enter their competition while flouting FFP rules. The only thing that Celtic could do would be to take the SFA to court, something UEFA frowns upon and something that the SFA would certainly hold against the club. And what Masonic judge would be prepared to come down in Celtic’s favour against the Establishment’s favourite team?

It’s getting beyond a fucking joke the way this new club is able to trample all over regulations with the authorities doing nothing. Even their own dodgy accounts show that they’re running at a loss and they’re going to need another loan to make it to the end of the season. This is serious stuff but the authorities and the agnivores try to make out that it’s a trifling matter. At the start of each season, when competitions are beginning, every club should be made to show that they have the wherewithal to make it to the end. If they can’t, then they shouldn’t be allowed to take part. We’re talking about Neo-Gers, though, and rules rarely apply when it comes to them.

“It’s yer old kal, Chris Zhack here again. I don’t know hut everyguddy’s going on agout. Elehen ngillion kounds loss, gut horeteen ngillion in yoo-ayha ngoney. ‘At sounds like a krohit tae nge!”

Not to worry, though. According to the Daily Record, El Guffalo will be sold for £20m in January and that’ll solve all Neo-Gers’ problems. Every fucking year we hear this shite and nobody’s shown the slightest interest in him, or any of the other Action Man’s Heids for that matter. And with Neo-Gers obviously desperate for cash, anybody that does show interest will be looking for a bargain. He’ll be going nowhere.

The thug might be needed if Neo-Gers are to mount any kind of challenge to Celtic. I’m not talking about him scoring goals or anything; his usefulness will come in other areas. Quite a few folk have been saying that if French Eddie gets injured, then Celtic are fucked. How long will it be before we start hearing about the ‘John Greig Spirit’ being needed? And I think we all know what that means!

The League Cup semi-final has given the agnivores the chance to put El Guffalo in the shop window. He scored two goals and even though it was against the worst Hearts team in living memory, the media are saying how great he is. So great, in fact, that Neo-Gers really need to hold onto him. Steven Gerrard’s been saying the same thing. Obviously they believe this is some clever, reverse-psychology thing that’ll make richer clubs think, “Oh, they’re desperate to hold onto him. We’d better bid £40m for him.” In reality, though, the first thing anybody will look at will be the accounts and then they’ll bid what they think he’s worth, keeping in mind that Neo-Gers are desperate for cash.

Sooperally has weighed in as well, saying that The Peeppul will tear the walls of Ibrox down if El Guffalo is sold. The stupid cunt doesn’t realise that Close Brothers will be tearing the walls down if he isn’t!

Meanwhile, JJ has been letting his inner Hun slip out. His diatribe the other day about Nicola Sturgeon and Jeremy Corbyn was bad enough, but the mask really slipped when he was talking about the support of Catholics for the SNP. Folk with ‘nothing to lose’, ready to drag everyone else down to be ‘unemployed’ like them and suffer ‘our poverty’. The revolting, little shit has managed to prove one thing: you can take the fucking weirdo out of Hundom, but you can’t take Hundom out of the fucking weirdo! And all this business about heading the ball being banned must be a worry. What is a confirmed heid-the-baw like JJ to do?

There’s one thing that JJ and Phil Mac Giolla Bhain have in common and that’s the use of the phrase ‘your humble correspondent’. I can’t stand all that Uriah Heep shite when the truth is that you need to have a bit of ego to believe that folk want to read what you’ve written. The extent of my humility can be explained by a story from my teaching days.

I’d been teaching a P5 class how to use a thesaurus and I made a worksheet where they had to replace a word underlined in a sentence with a synonym. One sentence said, “Our teacher is very sagacious.” One girl replaced this with the word ‘clever’. I explained that it really meant ‘wise’, but if the thesaurus said ‘clever’ then that was fine.

“Oh, Ah didnae use a thesaurus for that wan,” she explained. “Ah knew it’d bae sumhin’ like that, cos you think yer great!”

I told her that she was wrong. “I don’t think I’m great. I know I’m great!”

The Daily Record seems to think it’s done the people of Glasgow a great service by practically forcing the Lord Provost out of office. Considering the millions that some folk are swindling everybody out of, including £100m being ‘spaffed’ on adverts to tell us to get ready for Brexit, £8k over two years is chump change. I’ve just discovered that the woman originally comes from Sweden, so is this some Brexit-inspired xenophobia?

Did anybody read that stuff in the papers about the woman that was sleeping with three or four guys a week that she picked up on Instagram? The article has her bleating about her sex addiction and what a tough time she had of it. It ends, though, with her revealing that she’s written two books. I, for one, can’t help but think the whole story is simply a PR stunt. Besides, from the look of her child, there’s a better story hiding there somewhere.

“I say, Mater, fancy a game of wiff-waff?”

Finally, I see a certain Scottish Tory has decided not to stand for re-election. If you don’t know who it is, I’ll give you a clue:

“Awright, troops? Ah cannae wait tae December tae see aw they greetin’ Taig faces. Thuv hud it easy up tae noo, wi’ teams lyin’ doon tae thum an’ aw the cheatin’ referees oan thur side. An’ we let thum win that game it Ibrox jist tae gie the cunts false hope. Morelos’ll bang in aboot five oan ays ain. It’s gonny bae fuckin’ mint!”

If you’d care to read some books that show no discernible literary ability, you can find details here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pat-Anderson/e/B075GL84WM/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_ebooks_1

Billy’s magnum opus is here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B07HGVKC7X

Remember, if you’re skint for any reason, just drop me an e-mail at andrsptr@outlook.com and I’ll send you Kindle copies of any of my books for free.
I don’t need any big explanations or justifications – just ask!

And a small favour. Could you let me know what book or books you want? I don’t mind if you want the lot, but knowing makes things easier for me.