THE BIG SPIN

The weeks of trying to persuade Derek McInnes to take the job at Ibrox had two aims. The first was a complete failure, as McInnes refused to be taken in; the second, to unsettle the Aberdeen team, however, was a resounding success. A wee bit of help was required from the referee as well, but it was obvious that Aberdeen weren’t playing to their potential. Flushed with the ‘Level’ of their success, they’ve decided to go for the big one.

Neo-Gers are currently only 5 points behind Celtic, even though the latter have a game in hand. What better time to stir up some trouble in the Parkhead camp? Stories about Moussa Dembele looking to leave and a rift between Brendan Rodgers and Leigh Griffiths are obvious in their intent. It’s all a load of shite, of course, but lies like these sometimes manage to get under people’s skin. It’s pretty desperate stuff. Mind you, Griffiths needs to leave off the fun-size Mars bars and birthday cake or he might well find himself out of favour.

As well as this pish, we’re still getting all the silly stuff about Neo-Gers. We have Graeme Murty being tipped for the top by…wait for it…Josh Windass. The guy…sorry, ace…is coming up for 24 years of age, but apparently feels able to pass judgment on how good a coach is. It sounds as if the wind doesn’t just come out of his ass.

Then we’ve got Willie Henderson, a guy that I always thought looked like the stereotype of a Hun, saying that The Peeppul will never abandon their team, even if Celtic are winning everything. I take it he didn’t pay attention during the 1980s, then!

Graeme Murty was in the Daily Record yesterday, banging on about how far Neo-Gers can go this season. Three wins in a row and they’ve suddenly become the Invincibles! Mind you, he’s right. As long as they’ve got Scottish football officials on their side, there’s no limit to what they can achieve. Even the DR is questioning the call, which shows you how blatant it was. I had to laugh at Tom English on Twitter, expressing disbelief that a penalty wasn’t given. How long has this guy been in Scotland? Doesn’t he know how things work?

While the unwaged and disadvantaged enjoy this site for free, the bastards, they’re going to have to pay a quantum of £10 for my latest oeuvre; a shocking exposé of the greatest conspiracy in the world, ever. To put it bluntly, Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America in 1792 and no Vikings turned up there centuries earlier; it doesn’t exist. If you’ve ever been to America, I’m afraid you’ve been hoodwinked. It’s all made up of film sets scattered throughout Europe. To read the truth about this amazing story, you’ll need to send a quantum of £10.10 (it’s gone up) to my crowdfunding page. If you’re unwaged or disadvantaged, then I’m afraid you’ll have to just fuck right off.

I see jj is going to charge people for access to his reports on upcoming Neo-Gers court cases. The question is, how the hell is he going to get to the courts when he’s supposedly in exile in some exotic location? Surely he hasn’t been lying to us all this time! If he is abroad, then it means that the mugs that fork out will be getting second- or even third-hand information. Even worse, it’ll be written in what’s becoming jj’s trademark purple prose. Meanwhile, the rest of us will just follow James Doleman as usual!

Away from football, and I can’t be the only one that gets pissed off with those posts on Twitter asking if you remember things from the 1980s. Then again, maybe I am; probably nobody else cares! None of the things that get Tweeted actually originated in the 80s. Yesterday we had Jamie and the Magic Torch, a TV programme from the 70s. Games, toys and TV programmes constantly appear that are from the 70s or even the 60s. I mean, the Banana Splits, for fuck’s sake! I don’t remember that even being on the telly in the 80s. If they want to remember the 80s, then why don’t they put some fucking effort in and actually start remembering?

While I’m in rant mode, there was a P2 boy at the school I worked at who was an evil little shite. I taught the P2/3 class and this boy was in the P1/2 class next door. Every day he used to shove other children about, punching them in the back or kicking their legs. His mother was brought in on quite a few occasions, but she wouldn’t hear a bad word about her precious son. Then, finally, the boy met his nemesis when a new pupil arrived. As usual, the little bully was shoving and punching people and made the mistake of punching the new boy in the back. To his surprise, New Boy didn’t run to tell the teacher; he turned and walloped the little bastard in the jaw with his fist. Bully Boy just stood there, screaming and shouting for his mammy.

Bully Boy’s mother was straight down to the school the next morning, demanding that something be done about the boy that had punched her son. There was nothing that could be done and it was explained to her that other parents, as well as her, advised their offspring to hit back if somebody hit them. The rest of Bully Boy’s class learned from New Boy and he couldn’t get away with hitting anybody anymore without being hit back.

The mother was constantly appearing at the school, demanding that something be done about her son being bullied. Then came the perennial favourite: she claimed that her son was being picked on by the teachers as well. Eventually, the boy disappeared, no doubt sent to another school where he could bully his peers with impunity.

That’s why I’m always rather sceptical when I read stories about poor wee souls being bullied. And scepticism was my immediate reaction when I saw the tear-stained video of that American boy claiming that he was being bullied. Then, I read his mother saying that her little darling was being bullied by his teachers as well. Well, that puts the tin hat on it. The little bastard is the one that’s been doing the bullying and he’s not happy that he’s not getting away with it anymore. Unfortunately, many others have already handed over cash to his mother before realising they’ve been conned.

Back to football, and it’s notable that Neil Lennon is being careful about what he says. He was quite restrained about the penalty incident and, when asked if he was going to talk to the referee, he said, “What’s the point?” Even that, though, will be enough to condemn him. Expect a five-match ban for bringing the game into disrepute. A referees’ strike is probably on the cards as well.

Finally, remember, if anybody wants a copy of jj’s ‘Craig Whyte’ book, The Green Jhedi has kindly offered to send it for free. His e-mail address is on my previous post. JJ will be spitting blood! But, hey, jj! GIRFUY from all us unwaged and disadvantaged!

“That fucking Green Jhedi has got a lot to answer for!”

 

“Here we go, five in a row!”

 

“Awright, boaysies? Dave King’s awready been in touch tae say what charity ay waants the money frae Billy’s book tae go tae. Wait a minute, Ah’ve practised this…it’s the Johannesburg Oenological Society. Ah hivnae a fuckin’ clue what that is an’ Mr. King widnae tell iz. Ah hink it’s sumhin’ tae dae wi’ burds. Funny; Ah thoat ay’d-a gied the money tae Raynjurz. Mibby ay’s plannin’ oan usin’ this Society tae channel the money tae Raynjurz an’ avoid aw this cauld shooder stuff.”

 

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