ANYONE, ANYPLACE, ANYWHERE. THERE’S A WONDERFUL WORLD YOU CAN SHARE.

Steven Gerrard says he learned two things from the match against Blackburn Rovers but, really, he should have only learned one thing: friendlies mean fuck all. Essentially, what it means is that he’s learned nothing. He obviously still thinks that result against Marseille shows that they’re ‘coming down the road’. The latest news, however, might mean that they’re walking straight into a cul-de-sac.

As we all guessed, Mike Ashley has won and Neo-Gers are going to have to hand over millions. Gerrard might not even have a team to manage anymore, unless he’s prepared to stick with it and take charge of Neo-Neo-Gers. The whole thing has been one, big, giant fuck-up from start to finish and The Peeppul are going to have to realise that Honest Dave isn’t as clever as they thought. He’s been completely outmanoeuvred by Ashley, who made sure everything was conducted in English courts. Not that the English judiciary isn’t full of knuckle-squeezers, but the truth is that they don’t give a flying fuck about Neo-Gers or The Peeppul.

“Get it right up yez, ya Hun bastards!”

But it’s not just King, his cronies, his solicitors etc. that are to blame for the mess. You can imagine Mike Baldwin’s operation wouldn’t be looking too closely at contracts, but how the hell did a company like Hummel not pick up on the fact that Neo-Gers were breaching their contract with Sports Direct? Surely they can afford some decent lawyers; well they’ll certainly need some now!

Eggheads announces a new member of its panel of experts.

JJ expects folk to pay for his take on things. No doubt he’ll be slapping himself on the back just as Phil Mac Giolla Bhain has been doing. Although Phil’s been writing about The Peeppul for years now, he still doesn’t understand how they work. Away back when I first wrote my first Neo-Gers book, Clash of The Agnivores, Hector said, in the Amazon reviews, that I had “a unique view on the story”. My view was, and still is, that Real Raynjurz Men are far more important than money to The Peeppul. Read the comments on Hun media sites and you’ll see that they’re not that bothered about the prospect of their new club dying; in fact, they’d probably welcome it.

There’s nothing The Peeppul would like more than a Neo-Neo-Gers (which they’d swear was ‘Stull Raynjurz) having to start in the lower leagues, just like Neo-Gers did. They can then spout their conspiracy theories, about ‘demotion’ etc. to their hearts’ content. They can bleat about Celtic’s ‘tainted titles’ while being secretly glad that their team doesn’t actually have to win anything. Yes, they’d like their team, in whatever incarnation, to win the Premiership, but that comes a distant second to playing the victim while still spouting their claims of superiority.

They’re like the American ‘pore white trash’ that join the KKK and other right-wing organisations, rejoicing that, no matter what, at least they’re better than any ‘niggra’. Witness the morons attacking Phil the other day when he spoke about Trump. The thing about the Trump movement is that, just like McCarthyism before it, there’s an anti-intellectual aspect to the whole thing. And that’s The Peeppul all over: thick as shit but convinced of their superiority over Catholics and, more especially, Irish Catholics. That’s what made things so easy for Honest Dave in his takeover bid.

One of The Peeppul hears the news.

Incredibly, somebody at Neo-Gers (probably Jabba) thought a good squirrel would be the announcement of an inclusion and diversity campaign, called Everyone Anyone. One of The Peeppul on Follow Follow commented, “An excellent idea. Glad our club is leading the way on these types of campaigns.” Er…leading the way? It’s the only club in Scotland that finds it necessary to do such a thing; everybody else just takes it for granted. I couldn’t help noticing, though, that no effort was made in their video to include Catholics. No doubt that’ll be because no Catholic wanted to take part. Fucking bigots!

Concerns have been raised that Neo-Gers have gone too far in their ‘Inclusion’ video.

Anybody expecting this to be a success has to be out of their tiny minds. Do they honestly think The Peeppul are going to stop being up to their knees in Fenian blood or insisting that certain individuals ‘go home’? They should have a look at this comment on Hun Media, “If the club battled the misleading and bias media image of Rangers (sic) as much as they churn this nonsense out people would know what we are all about.” Don’t worry, mate, we already know what you’re all about!

Westminster, meanwhile, is looking to unleash the ultimate squirrel; a war with Iran. There’s all manner of sabre rattling going on over Iran seizing an oil tanker flying under a British flag. The big problem is that the flag is just one of convenience; the ship isn’t really British at all. Not that the truth ever stopped the UK Government!

“Hey, Breeteesh sheep! You surrender now and nobody harmed!”
“Sorry, Boss. We no speakee Eengleesh!”

Remember that minister I mentioned the other day, the one that’s been accused of backing a paedophile? The guy’s now been suspended from his job. Actually, he didn’t ‘back’ a paedophile at all; he simply expressed the opinion that the good done by a dead man outweighed the evil. Isn’t that what clergymen usually do? By all accounts, my granda was an evil old cunt, but that’s not what the priest said at his funeral. I was only eight at the time, but I certainly didn’t recognise the paragon of virtue being described. I think they’re overreacting a bit with this minister.

Also in the news was somebody finally being found guilty of the rape and murder of a fifteen-year-old girl in Goa. As usually happens in these cases, though, nobody’s thought to hold the parents responsible. I remember the story well and at the time I was struck by how any parent could just bugger off and leave their teenage daughter on her own in a foreign country. The law doesn’t seem to apply to middle-class folk.

I was reading a website recently about how great the toys were in the 1960s. Actually, the only things I remember with any affection were those space guns you used to get that had sparks flying out the sides. There were plenty of things you saw advertised on the telly and you wanted badly. Usually, though, if you did get them, they turned out to be a huge disappointment. I desperately wanted a Johnny Astro, an astronaut that you manoeuvred in his spacecraft to land on the moon. On Christmas Day, I opened the box to discover that you attached the space capsule to a balloon and guided it onto a plastic crater with a fucking fan! It was utter shite. As my da said, I could have got a cheap balloon, farted on it and called it Johnny Arstro!

Aye, yez kin keep yer Playstations an’ X-Boaxes!

I see my favourite quiz, The £100k Drop, is back on, but they’ve fucking ruined it. It looks like they’ve weeded out all the thick cunts that made the show so entertaining. It’s boring as fuck now. It’s the opposite problem with Countdown. There seems to be a conveyor belt of sad fuckers these days, whose whole lives have been devoted to appearing on the programme. No Harry Potter or anything for these cunts; they’ve been reading nothing but the dictionary since they were children. The guy that’s on it just now is like a fucking machine with the words he comes up with. They should give the cunt a good slap and throw him out the studio by the scruff of the neck. No Huns will be watching the programme at the moment. Rory Bremner is in Dictionary Corner!

Finally, I’ve had my opinions completely changed by the Daily Record. The paper persuaded the Royals to dress Prince George in a Scotland top. Well, that’s me converted. C’moan the Royal Family! I’ll be voting ‘No’ when it comes to Indyref as well. What?

“Awright, troops? What the fuck’s aw this inclusion shite thur gauin’ oan aboot? Ah seen the video wi’ big cunts wi’ turbans oan ‘n ‘at; who the fuck waants that it Ibrox? Fur aw wae know, the cunt’s goat a crucifix hidin’ in that big pile-a bandages oan ays napper. Raynjurz ur a Proddissint club, always hiv been an’ always wull be. Ye kin get aw this ‘diversity’ tae fuck. Next hing ye know, thull bae haunin’ oot Raynjuz scarves it Kafflick schools. An’ Ah see thit the draw’s awready been made fur who Raynjurz’ll face efter wae dispose-y Progres Needlecorn. Diz emdy know where the fuck Midgieland is?”

Details of all my books can be found here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pat-Anderson/e/B075GL84WM/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_ebooks_1

Billy’s magnum opus is here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B07HGVKC7X

Remember, if you’re skint for any reason, just drop me an e-mail at andrsptr@outlook.com and I’ll send you Kindle copies of any of my books for free.