BILLY, DON’T BE A HERO

It’s a bit cringey watching everybody celebrating a 0-0 draw. The thing is, if you’re going to accept the narrative that Scotland put on a superb performance, then first you have to accept all the utter shite that’s been said and written about the England team. The truth is that, despite all the hype, England is a piss-poor team. They struggled against Croatia and I fully expect The Czech Republic to beat them. And what’s all the stuff about this boy Phil Foden? I haven’t seen him doing anything exceptional yet.

Phil Foden, yesterday.

Speaking of hype, what the hell did I miss with Billy Gilmour? I found the match so boring that I fell asleep half-way through the second half, so I guess Gilmour was a revelation in the last twenty minutes or so. He must have dribbled past umpteen players before scoring a cracker of a goal…oh, wait a minute. So what the fuck did he do in the last quarter of the match? What’s that? He was substituted with about fifteen minutes to go? So why the hell is everybody praising him to the hilt? Ah, I get it. He’s a Hun! It’s pathetic the way the SFA are sooking up to the Huns, desperately trying to get them to support the Scotland team again. That’s why McBurnie’s first choice as striker. Well, it can’t be for his scoring prowess, can it?

On the subject of Huns, I see wee Red Card Ross was at the game on Friday. He was in the England end, of course. You can’t really blame him for that, though. If he’d ventured into the Scotland end, he’d have been in serious danger of getting his wee cunt kicked in. Better off being among the English, who haven’t the first idea who he is. Even Boris Johnson doesn’t know him! I’m sure I heard somebody booing when the players took the knee. Now I know who it was.

“Ma mammy said thit wae shouldnae be supportin’ aw that BLM stuff. Thur aw socialists an’ terrorists ‘n’ ‘at. Maist-y thum ur black an’ aw!”

I don’t know what was the more embarrassing, Scotland refusing to take the knee when playing the Czechs or taking the knee against England because they were scared how it would look if they didn’t. Actually, I do know. It was the sight of two teams of white men standing there as if to tell the world that black lives didn’t matter a damn to any of them. It was disgusting and, I suspect, another sop to the Huns. I wonder what’s going to happen in the game against Croatia. I’ve heard and read some folk saying that taking the knee has become meaningless, but that’s a load of pish. If it was meaningless, then you wouldn’t get all those cunts booing and complaining about it, would you?

Meanwhile, the Huns are moaning that nobody’s condemning the Tartan Army in London, while everybody condemned their ‘celebrations’ in George Square. Christ, it hardly compares. They were pishing and fighting all over the place, attacking police and paramedics and singing bigoted and racist songs. The Tartan Army, on the other hand, have mostly been welcomed in London, with the police having hardly any trouble. Oh, and they were out in force to tidy up the mess they’d made in Leicester Square, while the Huns left theirs for everybody else to clear up. As for the ‘anti-English’ chants, it seems that it was an isolated incident and, much though The Peeppul claim otherwise, Nicola Sturgeon came straight out to condemn it. That’s the thing with Huns, they always think everyone’s against them, even though the media and the football authorities bend over backwards to accommodate them.

And there’s shocking news ahead of the Scotland v Croatia game. Billy Gilmour has tested positive for Covid! Whatever will we do? The only answer is to play Nathan Patterson. I know it’s not like for like but, the way everyone goes on, there’s nothing that young Patterson can’t do. It’ll keep the Huns happy as well.

“This is me, thinking as usual about Nathan. Nathan is super! Nathan can do anything! Oh, he’s great! He really is!”

I see wee Abdul Rafiq was chucked into a fountain full of soap suds down in London. The Union Bears, apparently, have offered a hundred quid to anyone that can name who threw him in. Is that all he’s worth? They’re all riled about it on Follow Follow and elsewhere. Of course, the Huns don’t realise the irony in much of what they’re saying, like this classic: “I feel sorry for him. He thinks they are all his mates :/” That’s a Hun, talking about a simpleton that usually hangs about with The Peeppul, the EDL and all manner of Nazi bastards! Apparently, it’s a shame the way these Scotland supporters are manipulating him. At least they’re not making him sing fucking racist songs!

Robert Fitzpatrick was talking about some arsehole that’s declared himself ‘non-binary’. What the fuck does that even mean? You’ve got a knob and XY chromosomes, ya fucking bell-end! Actually, scrub that. If some guy wants to be a woman, or vice-versa, I’ve got no problem with that. As I’ve no doubt mentioned before, like everybody else my age I used to go to bed with a tranny every night when I was wee! The only ones that can really describe themselves as ‘non-binary’ are hermaphrodites and, as far as I know, there aren’t too many of them about. There are only two genders – pick one and give us all peace. And as for that term ‘pansexual’, I can only imagine that means some guy leaning over the lavvy as he has a ham shank!

They’re banging on about Scottish education again, talking about all the problems. I’m only familiar with primary education and what needs sorted out there are the fucking teachers. I’m not joking when I tell you that I’ve met teachers that can’t do mental arithmetic, don’t know their tables, can’t understand twenty-four-hour time and don’t know a pronoun from a conjunction. I blame the different degrees you can get these days. Some cunt can turn up with a degree in Klingon or Basket-Weaving and do a one-year course to become a primary-school teacher. The EIS has constantly refused to allow numeracy and literacy tests for prospective teachers, probably because most of them are thick as well. And the arguments I’ve had with folk as I point out that the word ‘walking’ is not a fucking verb are too numerous to mention. “But it’s a ‘doing’ word!” is a phrase I’ve heard repeatedly. Get all these cunts to fuck and things will improve immeasurably.

I’ve mentioned before about Der Jungfuhrer’s murderous fear of spiders. She brought in the washing the other day and a tiny spider crawled from a pair of trousers onto her hand. Cue plenty of screams and the removal of a trainer to beat the poor brute to death with. Unfortunately, Thea had just come into the kitchen and burst into tears at the slaughter of the unfortunate arachnid. As she eventually explained, she’s been learning about mini-beasts at school and the teacher said you shouldn’t harm them. Der Jungfuhrer is blaming Catholic schools for, “Telling ma bairns thit Ah’m gonny burn in Hell fur killin’ a spider!” Those poor kids are going to need therapy some day!

Der Fuhrer made a ready meal last night that contained something called bacon lardons. It turns out a lardon is a bit of fatty bacon. Christ, I had pictures in my head of a pig with a stauner! It was the same when we were doing the Metro crossword and discovered that there’s a fish called a ‘tarpon’. I had visions of some woman trying to stuff a camping groundsheet up her…well, I’ll leave the rest to your own imagination.

I’m progressing slowly but surely with the last Neo-Gers Saga book, slowly being the operative word. I thought I’d probably written about three-quarters until I did a word count to discover I’ve only written just over 25,000 words. At this rate I won’t even have it ready for Christmas! I’ll persevere with it, though.

“Awright, troops? That’s the hing aboot this takin’ the knee business thit people don’t get. Us Raynjurz supporters hiv goat nuhin’ against black people ur that, it’s the wye the players go doon oan wan knee wae don’t like. They aw look iz if thur it Mass ur sumhin’. What is it they kafflicks call it – genuine flecktin’ ur sumhin’? It’s no’ right fur a Proddissint club tae bae daein’ that, ur a Proddissint country’s team eether. An’ what’s aw this pish aboot longest days? Thur’s twinty-four oors in it, in’t thur? So how the fuck’s it longer thin any other day? A load a Feenyin shite!”

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